Day 22: Facetime with Family

Easier said than done. When you were born in the 70’s on a small farm outside of a little town like me your family tends to be less than tech savvy. I mean my mom, my sister and my Aunt rarely use cell phones (my mom still does not have one) and internet is a luxury that they don’t even use. So to Facetime those I love the most would be impossible. Even my youngest sister works two jobs to make ends meet so connecting with her in between would almost be an impossibility. I know Facetime is supposed to make it easier to connect with those we love but to me it’s a reminder of how far we have come to making connecting obsolete. With limited access to those I love made further estranged because of the internet it is hard to see what “going on-line” has done to the world.

Forget about the instant connectivity but lets remind us of how humbling this experience can be. There’s the lag, the freeze and heaven forbid the drop and ignore. Prove my fingers deleted the connection. To further the feeling I will ignore your calls and texts to make it seem like it’s a network connection and not me who is ignoring you. Then there are the ones who are determined to set a time and date like we are all too busy spinning around in circles after all. Imagine making an appointment to speak with family and friends. But in times like this we have to because everybody and their dog looks down at the ring to screen. Growing up I remember asking my mom who was on the other end trying to get her to lie to whomever it was and tell them I wasn’t at home. My how times have changed.

Maybe that is why depression has found me as I continue to dance in limbo in between. It is hard to find yourself in this virtual world as your heart longs to connect with the past. For me it is hard to live happily when the evils of the world run rampant and free. Think of the ways men have failed each other up to and including today. What motivated these men to do so was promise of fortune and fame. It had to have been. What other evil could control the misfortunes of so many? Think of the man who stood with his finger passionately over the trigger. Gassing millions as others watched on horrified silently awaiting a similiar fate. No man could ever watch millions of men, women and children die for no reason looking into their eyes till they took their last breaths. There is an evil amongst us and it is up to us not to glorify them the way that main stream media insists that we can. We know bad people, we know them intimately because of social media so to engage in some Facetime I think I would rather just slink away. If all we are are just faces on the computer turn the power off of mine because I think I am done. In fact to make up for hysteria I will put pen to paper and make a real effort to engage with those I love in a more romantic way. Yes Facetime is easy but so is a penned letter that can be easily folded and tucked away. To serve as a reminder there is someone in your corner cheering for you this whole time.

It is not that I hate the internet and it’s ability to bring us together I am just wondering its place in our world. Humans survived for hundreds of thousands of years without it and now we have those that would die without. Does that seem like progress or back peddling to you? Everything is virtual nothing is real. Even the quality of goods has decreased as our expectations are lowered in the hopes we receive a fraction of the real thing. Think about on-line. How many times have you showed up for a date and thought “what the hell happened? Did you get hit by 10 to 15 years along the way?” I get displaying your favourite photo but blurring lines and covering up acne isn’t the way. I don’t know what is more irritating. The lie about what you look like now or the fact you think I am shallow and superficial. At least that is what I think about when betrayed in this way. Don’t spring on me that it was an old photo just to spring on me how you look. It’s the lie that is the turn off not your missing front teeth. We all have a story, don’t you think?

Of course I would love to see my family but it gets even more complicated because I removed myself from Facebook. Worse yet the long I wish to see most of all has no on line presence. Different times. Different tastes. Some still fear the rammifications of having the world so close under our fingers. Nowhere to hide, nowhere to run. We see how our phones identify our presence pinging off of towers as we go.   What has been revealed to us time and time again is when you seem to be logging on in private a million of eyes are on us instead. Willingly becoming the puppet we bow down to an unfamiliar master allowing them to perverse our behaviours and beyond.

So in order to preserve my sanity I will forgo the Facetime with Family sticking with more traditional methods insteads. Taking the time to put pen down on paper I will speak all the words my heart longs to say. I am still the shyest gal in the room, on-line or not caring too much what others think. At least with a letter I don’t have to witness the reaction of others I am still far too insecure for that. I know it is just family but I am still hesitant. A lifetime has moved between us after all.

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