When you are raising a child and caring for a man it seems like everything they want to watch is rather silly. It is so obvious my humour is nothing compared to everybody else’s and I have no idea why. Could it be the years of abuse of being to afraid to use my voice or step out of the shadows or is it simply I am content on living a life that maybe not everybody else can understand or see. What others enjoy in their free time is farthest from my mind, so what is silly to one may not be silly to all so I think what is important to note here is silly is what ever makes you chuckle deep down from within your belly gently lifting your mood and your insides.

Who hasn’t heard it takes less muscles to smile than it does to frown then proceeded to smile and frown to try and feel those muscles restricting and contracting. Is it just me or does it seem the opposite. It takes way more effort to smile but we have been made to believe otherwise. Of course every little emotion is etched on our faces with the expressions we make the most leading the charge. I think this is why resting bitch face become so popular. One because of the increasing use of botox who has it in them to move any muscle and two if you aren’t moving the muscles you aren’t creating the lines and that in itself is a win/win. In this superficial world of plastic the more we can do to preserve our youth is in favour. We ignore that aging is our badge of honour that is lost on so many. Of course it is hard to watch those we love be reduced to just a bag of bones living out their final days, but within them is a whole life of wonder and promise that if left untapped will be forever gone. We fail to recognize our elderly as our most prized natural resource. We forgo our relationship with our elders out of a life promised of fame and fortune. We search for gold like striking it is going to make us rich but then somebody we thought would live forever dies and we are left pawing through the mess. How are we supposed to know what they kept for value, sentimental or otherwise. What they have too teach us doesn’t line our bank accounts with zeros it lines our paths with illuminated light to help show us the error of our ways.

The only thing that makes me smize with the eyes and laugh uncontrollably is awkwardly told jokes and animals at their leisure, all kinds. I find it hard to laugh at perfectly planned out humour as I am not a fan of the attention that they seek. I don’t think we should have to be large and in charge in those areas that make another heart bleed or hurt. There is nothing funny about being mean to another living being. That is why I love animals so much because they realistically can’t be taught to do hilariously dangerous things. Those attention seekers in life are the very ones who will laugh at you at your lowest point in your life. Of course we all might harbour a chuckle when somebody trips on their feet but if looking in their eyes you can feel and see their terror than best to let the jokes die and the laughter subside. Getting a rise at another person’s failure or mistakes just goes to show your true intentions to the world. My biggest fear is being the joke and I am usually because of all my fear. I remember a talent pageant where I came in second place. I tried my darndest, was genuine and wasn’t fake. Like a deer in the headlights I didn’t want to freeze so out spewed whatever to fill up the dead space in time with ease. My heart was racing and my palms were sweating I just wanted to run off the stage. Then I heard the chuckles, so I breathed, and I guess what I was saying was funny. My pageant life has been one of the most difficult journey’s. Where most of us in the Pin-Up community play up a personna I have stayed true to self and needed no character. My appearance might be above and beyond but that little girl who was abused so long ago is still too scared to come up for air for too long.

Laughter is the best medicine, or so they say. It is hard to find something to smile about when the world has nothing positive to say. What is to laugh about another school shooting, Black lives still not mattering, Indigenous lives being mysteriously taken and children in detention camps being separated from their parents. I guess there is humour in thinking how condescending we have been about our ancestors in our past. We ridicule them for lives lived that we will never understand than deploy the same methods that they did when we command with an open hand. When living beings aren’t treated equally and given an opportunity to thrive we have failed, when we allow those to run our countries into the ground by making consistent bad decisions we have failed. When we allow the same Holy war to be fought since the turn of time we have done more than failed we have lost the war. Was life ever meant to be beautiful for more than one person or was it only a hand full destined to live at the top? The people who don’t break us or have an honest intention are easy to spot. They become the goosebumps on your neck and shoulders when your skin begins to crawl. Yes laughter reminds us of a time when we used to live carefree and relatively free but laughter doesn’t heal me, at least for all that I see. What I feel is the loss of all these promised lives colliding together with the selfishness of existence that was brandished before. Before when the land was so open as far as the eye can see, to now when there is more to existing than just you and me. We were destined to dance this dance together and I am hoping we can one day find us dancing at the pinnacle of conception finally happy, holding hands.