What is incredulous to me is the way we have rewired society to bring out the worst in man. Not always. Just enough to make living unbearable for some to spread like a cancer over the land. Think of what makes you uncertain and fills you up with fear. What is your biggest fear? Not to be liked or loved? That you will be unworthy and not good enough to live out your years beside another being. When was the last time you connected with another living being? Not in a sexually, perverted way but in the most loving, pure way that most of us living will never fully appreciated or understand.

Sure our essence, our being is confined within the limitations of our bodies but that shouldn’t be how we define being human. When we looking at each other we don’t always see the beauty in the fairness of one’s skin or how the flecks of gold intertwine with the emerald in their eyes. Even dancing across the rainbow to the beauty of an ebony skinned goddess or raven haired beauty we are all lucky to be alive. Tell me a story about your ancestors, your loves because how I want to connect is something no one can see not because they can’t because it’s how you feel. Stir my inner child awake again and make me feel alive. I am tired of walking around lifeless, like a drone in the night sky.

Every breath you take is a gift I have given to you. Let those words resonate your being. We feel these intense moments of guilt but for why and for whom? Grief is not for the dead only for the living and the guiltier you feel the more intense your sadness will in fact feel. Right before my Grandfather lost his mind to Alzheimer’s I told him I loved him. It was over the phone but it was all I could do. He was 6 hours away and I just learned of my Grandmother’s passing. Calling was all I could do and it was only a matter of time before he too would slip forever away. It has been 20 plus years and I can move through that memory like it was yesterday. Value you the living, blessed is their time because when their living is over and all that is left is how you remember them nothing else. Everything is left just as they did. Keys on the table, cigarette butts in the can and if you live on a well or septic a gift or two left in the loo. Everything they did is a tribute to who they were but they are gone now and that will always hurt.

How we feel is what makes us the same. If I close my eyes and reach for you all I should care about is healing your hurt. The idea that we are always going to want to fight, steal and kill each oyhee brings on feelings that break my heart. We are all the same I know it, why have they always made us to believe otherwise. I am reading about the Spartans and boy what a crazy time. Did you know boys were raised in barracks away from their families? That even when married they had to sneak away in the night to be with their wives. A boys whole life was being conditioned to fight and go to war. That was their existence, fast forward to know. All those lives lost did so for nothing. All the warriors lost in war still nada. How can I be so bold in saying so that is easy. Is the world still at odds with each other and are we still fighting. It all begins to make sense. We work till our deaths feeding these big corporate businesses who in turn feed the war machines and keep us all fighting. Imagine as John Lennon said, people living in harmony. What is stopping us is the manipulation of freedom and the one in control of the purse strings. Am I right? Tell me I am wrong? I would love to believe that after all this time we have found a way for each being to live in harmony and not in fear for it’s life. What we allow to happen speaks volumes for how nothing has changed. Maybe you can say human nature has taken a dive because in this growing world of accessibility the one thing that is always consistent is our lack of human decency and overall respect. One person can’t do much but what about a hundred, then a thousand do you feel what I am feeling?

I had a Dr’s appointment yesterday so she can assess my mental health. With every thing that is going on it is nice to have a professional to check in with. When we were talking I realized how important healthy habits are. Forming them takes work and it takes a lot of practice. The same can be said for feeling depressed and anxious. There is no “cure” no miracle to be had but just like when I quit smoking new habits needed to be formed. You have to visualize where you want to go even if you have no idea how to get there. You also have to begin believing in yourself like no one else would because no one else will. If you are hesitant on your approach to life than hesitancy is what will greet you back. It’s like when I was shopping for a suncreen, then a night cream and I was running out of foundation then the light clicked in for me. I wanted to be rewarded for spending my husband’s hard earned money (haha you read that right). Like I was the hero for earning so money points to be used for prizes. Sending my husband for suncreen for my face armed with a picture I thought the ladies would be more help. Damn! I could be more help on a video call so why put him through that drama. So there it was the eye opener of a lifetime stop feeding the hands that bite you and look at getting paid yourself. Empower the woman you are while being the hero in their minds. Not only am I saving money I am making money and doesn’t that make me the ultimate boss babe. To me it is so easy, totally life changing don’t you think? Honestly, if you want to empower yourself and get in on this ride you know where to find me on the flip side xx