I am me. I can’t change who I am to appease you nor am I sure I even want to because I enjoy who I am. My near death experience makes it so I am more in tune with reality and I can go blindly, confidently knowing that I am going to make it out the other side and that I am going to shine. When others hoped, prayed and wished that I would fall on my face I dug in my kitten heels and found my own place. Where others may want revenge I wish nothing but success. My night doesn’t shine brighter because you failed, in fact it is the opposite. I know what it takes I have seen a glimpse of where to go. I tiptoe softly, with purpose as I go into the night. I know I am capable, I am infinite light.
We stand on the cusp of another promised of upswing of sheer delight. The kind that will move mountains and make others wow at the sight. What would you do truly if you find true success? Would you hoard it away foolishly or would you wish others well too. Through the pain there is some relief in site. Potential relief. Do what you love, do what moves you. Tell others how you feel and see who joins. With me I am not going to force anybody to join in the ride. This is my destiny I can feel it deep inside. I succoumbed to whatever the world wanted to give me and accepted it full heartedly without too much upset. I mean what can I do except for keep on being a focused a detour doesn’t define me in fact it makes life more interesting.
I want to be free to love my body, love my skin, my smile, my hair. I want others to feel the same way I do, I want others to love their life. Yes I am soft, curvy and womanly and I love to nurture and care for others, that is what the matriachs in our family have always done and I hope will always do. How I long for a daughter to pass on my attributes some nights I still pray. That is how I find my life has come to be. Nights and days caring and loving for others, my slice of heaven here on Earth. Wealth? It surrounds me and not the monetary system that we have grown accustomed too. My success is determined in the way that those who can’t speak to me. If you don’t know by now you may never know. But for me it is in the ways all animals in our care gravitate to us to enjoy our company it is in the ways that they chose to show us without even having to use their voice. We are a pack of life and love all rolled into one. It is hard not to be happy even with all the extra work to do. Sure life would be easy if it was just me and my son and maybe one cat. But where would all the life come from and would we become glued to the tv. With so much to do you can’t even blink an eye. Just remain focused, diligent and maybe let out a sigh.
Not everybody has to dream the way you do but real friends will support what you do. They love you unconditionally. They support you no matter what. Unless you step out and turn crazy or never reciprocate the feels. People in my world get one chance before I kick them out of orbit. I have to focus and live in the present, enjoy the journey appreciate the simple before life gets too busy. We are moving and shaking and manifesting our families destiny. Next is a summer/vacation home and then saving up for Schmoo’s tuition. We toyed around with the idea of sending him to public school but where did that get us? Drug addicted and homeless. I guess we are clean now and we are open to all blessings. I am eager to pay it forward but only when it comes to good souls worth investing in if you know what I mean. Your ride and dies. Why shower others in your riches and good fortune when they headed for the hills when the well ran too dry. Not to mention they were always taking instead of giving a little back. Karma will get them evemtually. You have to at least believe that.
I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I can give my heart to repair your break I will do so full heartedly. When I was down how I longed for some company, oh ok maybe not really. I wanted the right company and on my kind of terms. The company that valued their family, had morals or does that all sound crazy. I want to connect with women like how the girls did in the Sweet Valley High Books that I used to read. Before we all became to jaded and impossible to understand. I long for a world where we braid each others haid, put on face masks and paint each others nails. Before the claws all came out and we would fight to the death for a man who is now balded and shaggy and more than likely full of beer. I miss genuine sleepovers and night out with the girls. I miss the commraderie before life took over and made it a competition. I am just a girl who is in love with the world, no longer afraid of her voice, her reflection not even her own shadow. Hate me for loving this body that I am confined in. Instead of destroying and vandalizing my body and my name I will become a beacon a safe haven for others to do the same. I dare you to live differently at least take a chance. Make your life worth it before we are out of breath from our last dance.