Living to Fulfill a Need

For as long as I can remember we always needed identifiers to help define who we are. Look at the Holocaust. One identifier sealed the fate for millions because of one man’s toxics beliefs. We look at each other through side eyes determining they must have been the ones who believe another race is inferior so we must treat them less thanĀ  us. There are so many people we could have been but for whatever reason we are who we are. Is that fair? For no reason at all your life can be easy or hard depending on who your parents are. I guess that depends on what your ancestors did to get to where you are. Sure you might not be the bigot, the racist, the one that had slaves but you can’t lavishly embrace the wealth knowing where it came from. To have more than enough and give nothing back is something I can’t comprehend. If you could make another’s life easier by being kind or would you let their actions haunt you.

Think about any billionaire with their hoards of money, gold and art only for their ego and eyes. Why do you need a car so fast it can kill? Or diamonds as big as your head and chains thicker than the albatros. I think about my Grandmother with her log built home and floor of dirt, down filled comforters and pillows that were collected by hand. She only had a few dresses and a fancy one for family gatherings. She lived a great life, I loved her dearly there is no way she was ever a waste. To not appreciate the differences and see how lucky we are how can we keep on wasting it shamelessly. Worse yet how can you impose your opinions onto others making them feel like they don’t belong. We have so much power within us but we have become powerless to release it nor motivated to stop it.

Authenticity gets lost in the shuffle as we struggle to make ends meet. We struggle to make real connections and mistake passion for just being friends. At least I long for something genuine a little bit deeper than what my good friends provide. There are those that I know I can call on to listen to me and love me unconditionally and honestly. Yes I have gold in my life and I appreciate their value just sometimes I wish for something that runs a little bit deeper. My husband is my friend and my partner in life does one need passion and intimacy or can we learn to live without? I have been for 4 years and at times I feel like I am crazy. Did I sell that part of my identity so the devil didn’t take me.

I am not the same person that my husband first met. I don’t believe we are each other’s first choice but we do believe in loyalty. Most days I feel ignored as he stares at his phone talking only to call me out when I finally look down at me. There is a world waiting for me that identifies me more than a wife and mom. It’s the passion that runs through me when I become one and all with the Earth. It is never lost on me just how lucky I am so I search the world from end to end for beings just like me. For years I have worn my mask of honour with my artwork on display and today is the day I was it forever away. Thousands of dollars of make-up will be thrown away today. The collection was never intentional some earned and some were give aways. I am excited for a more minimalist approach to my day to day routine and de-cluttering of my space. I am ready for the next dream, financial freedom and success. The next piece of the pie is who do I want at my table sharing with me. So many had doubted my dreams and vision and the power of truly manifesting your own destiny. I never believed it till it started happening because I just gave myself in to the journey completely. As you slow your living moments from day to day learning to appreciate the smallest parcels of time. That is true living the standing still and taking it all in. Watching my son grow into a man one day I hug him tighter and flutter him with kisses more because he has already start resisting his mother’s affection. That is also ok because at least we have this time because tomorrow is never promised.

Never in my wildest dreams did I envision a life like this. I went from sleeping on the floor now I use kitty cats as blankets. Just kidding but there are many. My core feels happier gravitating towards what I believe to be my purpose. I sure do love loving it is the ultimate feeling. That was what I loved most of all at Beauty School. You take a piece of their insecurity and help them transform. It takes a lot of practice and listening and taking it all in. You can’t be somebody you were born to be if you don’t do any work. We all have a passion or a skill that once ignited it will transform your life. For me I think I am almost there you can just tell by all the things happening. Passion and purpose and promises to yourself all help bring on all the right things. How will the Universe know what to give you in order to make your heart sing. I don’t identify as human because that is just my trapped form, I identify as living because that is what I know for sure is true. How could I be classified as those evil beings that do even evilier things. The things that bump and crawl in the night and steal from innocent beings, the disabled, the sick, the elderly our family and our friends. Just when I think humans can’t sink any lower they never cease to amaze me. I get the I want to get paid or get yours mentality but how can you do that at the expense of another’s mental health. People have committed suicide because they were under constant scrutiny and disrespect. That is what all that is when you constantly fan the flames to hurt another instead of seeing them in their living form. Never has it made more sense than loving my animals because we truly are just all the same. My sweet bird Daisy was once a single cell that multiplied than hatched and became a being. Her beak and claws that scare us are actually made from the same formation of our own fingernails and teeth. Then the pads on my furbabies paws would be the exact same texture and feeling say of a gorilla’s or a monkey. They live so far away but we all started out just the same. How I wish for a world that could see that, that there isn’t much separating you from me. Unless it is your evil thoughts and messages than an eternity will never be far enough for the life I am going to live, my destiny.

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