Mentally Undone

The most powerful video online right now is the one that acknowledges mental illness and the ones that are able to talk about it. In fact they mention that those who can tell the stories are the real hero’s because on top of their daily struggle they have gone public to show others that they aren’t in it alone. Of course mental illness is on the rise. Look at the disconnect. There’s the working class that keeps the country moving, the rich who just take up space until there is an International emergency then they might bat an eye and then you have the poor who can not do much because of where they stand in the social line up we just write them off to be homeless and nothing more. We are all out here struggling but we have been conditioned to believe that we should be ashamed. It wasn’t nature that made us this way but the expectations that were handed down onto us forever scarring us from the inside out. I was just a little girl until adulthood struck me forcing me to make decisions that I couldn’t even understand. There are so many of us forming nodes that make it impossible to know our real intentions until later in life. It is impossible to heal from trauma in a world that would rather medicate than acknowledge. Growing up in the 90’s every other person seemed to be on an anti-depressant. It was so easy to get prescribed. No follow up. No cognitive therapy. Just a see you later if you are lucky but in the growing world of walk in clinics that would be an unrealistic expectation, in fact you could easily avoid. It would have been right before the growing age of communication where you could easily spot if somebody was shopping for narcotics. That is why it was so hard for so many of us because there was literally no help. Just a, your in pain, take these oxy 80’s there’s a hundred more to ease your ailments when the other ones wear off. It is almost like our pharma care system relies on our fear. Our fear that we can’t survive through the pain even though millions of men and women before us already did. They used to disinfect their wounds with alcohol and cut off limbs with nothing but a ball gag and saw. Now here we are freeze me to oblivion, this is the part of life I didn’t sign up for.

The bigger the dog the bigger the fight and nothing is more true then trying to give a big dog medication to help with his pain. They absolutely refuse to take that pill that will knock them out and make them woozy simply because they hate losing control. They are aware that they need their full senses around them at all time in order to survive. They would rather feel the full force of what hit them then to numb their feelings and hide. How would I know and am I just making this up. I wish I was. I wish I could but I have done nothing but observe. There have many different species that have come through these doors and most have behaved the same. There is a desire to be loved, cared for and finally accepted because it is their life they are living too. We so often just take their little lives for granted and right them off as pets but something magical begins to happen when you give them a little respect. They are the guardians to bad feelings and they try really hard to keep you happy. When they come to you when you sleep and purr it is because they are trying to promote healing. Our cats have even began to mimic our moves and have even tried to give us pets. Our one dog always holds out his paw when he needs something. They try so hard to communicate.

The greatest hero’s of our times did nothing more than participate and show up. They made each day magical in their own ways by being love and infinite light. When I grew up there weren’t as many public idol’s as we do now. The power women for me in the 90’s were Madonna, Courtney Love and of course Lady Dianna. What we insist on doing to each other is something that I will never understand. Madonna taught me to be bold and Courtney Love encourage me to be different and Lady Di, well she taught me to live in the moment and always be selfless and kind in doing so. We need to have role models or else we get lost. Life is so overwhelming because there is so much to do and so little time. We worry about the road that we should have taken and regret saying yes when we know we should have said no. How long can we keep making mistakes for before it nips us in the butt? Is life over at 30? 40? 50? or do I still have time. Thinking about all the would have’s, should have’s, could have’s how I wish I had done so much more. What could I have done? Listened to my parents? If only I did back then who knows where I could have been. Thinking like that get’s me nowhere but pushes me back behind. This is where my life has taken me and there should be no shame in that.

I am trying to be more pure in my intentions and that is being more aware of my purchasing power. I can keep feeding those that would never help out those in need or I can look around for sources that sustain my needs while providing an income for another family like mine. There are so many ways that we can do this by supporting our local growers and by buying from those in our communities. You have to keep in mind that our communities are evolving and what sustains my style tastes might not sustain yours but this is where the world wide web can finally provide some value. Fashion designers although pricey have a very important place in this world. They keep our styles fresh and creative while helping us feel a little unique to the world. I am not talking about the billionaire designers like Fendi or Gucci. I am talking about the glorious designers we have on Facebook Marketplace or Etsy. Anytime you can talk to another and help them bring to life who you are as a person I say go for it. In a sea full of a billion I would rather be the one in a million!

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