Love of True Self

Out of everything we are and will be, being authentic is crucial for the salvation of ones soul. Think about it. How do you feel when you are being ignored? The same rings true for when you fail to honour yourself, your light, your dreams out of fear what others might say. Nobody wants to feel like the one standing in the cold in the outskirts of a hometown you no longer recognize and has forgotten about you. You. You remember everybody but everybody out there will fail to ever see you for the beautiful being that you.

Ever been the brunt of one’s mans jokes or watch another privy to the title. It hurts doesn’t it? Going outside after all these years racing towards the light you are crushed by the weight of their laughter. It hurts. They hurt. Nobody could ever know the daggers lodged inside ones heart when betrayed by a friend. Especially a friend you adored and aspired to be. It hurts to be reminded of times when laughter and friendships were important between those that appear to have any idea what that means. We fixate on those things we can not control and fantasize about a time when one day we can. Think about how we distort reality to fit our idyllic portrayl of our own lives. The biggest lie we tell while alive is the one we keep telling ourselves.

I spend more and more time with my eyes closed absorbing the energy that is around me. Smothered in cats I sync our breathing and drift off to a time where we are all equal and love has taken over the world. There is calm in the silence before the rest of the world awakens as I gather my thoughts, my sanity as I get ready to prepare for the World. Things, feelings, people change at the drop of a dime. The only thing that should remain constant is the truth that you tell others and the love and respect you feel for yourself. I deleted my Facebook over a month ago. The negative energy that had ensnared me there was threatening my day to day life. I think what bothers me the most about Facebook and not instagram is how they call it friends and not followers. The unfriending of a contact being more personal it seems so I just had to remove it from my life. I am shy. I am sensitive and I am insecure I take it personally when somebody exits my life and I am not even sure why. Maybe it’s because my Dad ditched out on me or it could be a various of other reasons why. Who knows.

Accountability and the desire to be the change the world so desperatly needs is all it takes to greet the awakening of the world a little differently. Instead of being annoyed at the suns warmth and the sounds of the chickadee in a neighbouring tree why not awake thankful. Be thankful that you can hear such sounds of life. Be thankful for the warmth of the sun as you are promised another day. There are a million reasons to be thankful yet we fixate on the one reason why we shouldn’t be. We hate who we are becoming in this reflection of time and I think I am starting to realize why. In a few hundred years when civilization looks back on us I am scared of what they might say. We put profits ahead of our health and sanity and we drove each other into the ground.

We are one of the only species that hunts and kills for the thrill. In the wild animals have been known to attack their own species but that is only after they have proven themselves to be too weak to hang with the pack. Are we the same? Is that what we do? Turn on those who are lacking in confidence on a drop of a dime? Anybody who appears a little different then us is subject to off coloured banter that can turn the stomach and another man’s eyes. Who could you hurt by being honest with yourself and does it matter how many get offended by your light and run away? Don’t allow yourself to be weighed down any longer in the hopes that people will like you. When you turn off the lights and close your eyes and as you snuggle down under your duvet you are alone. No one is there to guide you into the dreams that as a little child you once had. It’s ok to believe in yourself again, you are forgiven for being absent. Return to the land of the living again and embrace all the things that make you happy.

When I think about heated words exchanged between old acquantinces I am ashamed for my role and participation in them. I know it’s best to leave unkind things unsaid but I was hurt and I am human sometimes our heads and hearts don’t always align and no matter the outcome it should be a very beautiful thing. Not in a way that hurts another but encourages another to grow.  When I watch the life begin to bloom around me I am so thankful for this opportunity and the small role that I may have played. To watch those that I have come to adore grow into something that my eyes can’t believe I am humbled. My knees hit the ground as I embrace this great Earth and it is in this one moment I feel connected. Every living being that has once inhabited this Earth is once again returned to where it all began. To a time before controversy, a time before hate and a time where love roamed this land. Then all of a sudden in a blink of an eye everything that was once sacred is now taken for granted. Where once families were the lifeline of this great nation till now where they have crumbled and accepted the fall.

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