The Music in Me

I love to be inspired and nothing leaves me more inspired than being exposed to another’s journey. We weren’t made to live alone. That was an urban legend they needed you to believe. They needed you to believe that in order to be successful you needed to live in the steepest tower and in isolation buying and cosumming more take out then necessary and living in the shadows of your former self. Some even state and swear off children exclaiming their lives are too important to take care of a tiny dirty, little human. We forget that is the whole purpose of life. To preserve the wealth and hard work that we put into each day and handed off to the next generation. Then family took a back seat and pop culture has taken over, look at all we have done in the aftermath of popularity and wealth.

The value of pop culture is they provide an escape, a vortex for us to jump into, an alternate reality that can awaken our souls. Here are a few songs that affect me in that way and I hope they can resonate something in you.

6. Nirvanna, “Rape Me”. As a child of the 90’s and a victim of rape this song just awoken every emotion inside of me. Kurt may have been talking about mainstream culture and how it’s raping our identity and perversing our every thought. What this song allowed me to do was to feel comfort in knowing that somebody else out there was trying to understand and was going through something similiar. Even now after all this time I still feel comfort knowing that somebody like him was alive. He still gives me the strength to feel through my pain and he keeps me fighting to stay alive. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=4TsqlT0rfJI

5. Metallica, “One”. I will never forget where I was when I first heard this song. I was sitting in the top row of the bleachers in middle school when the lights went off. The projector lit up and what I seen and heard horrified me. What made it worse was REAL people throughout time were forced to live this way. Tested on, tortured with, murdered, man is one of the grossest beasts. Like a cat playing with a mouse and accidentally killing it what Metallica introduced to me is what man was capable of when they didn’t approve. Some times when I was feeling awful I would go into the minds of those being tortured. The WW2 vet who has been forever immbolized in combat waiting for life to escape him and nothing more. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=WM8bTdBs-cw

4. Hole, “Amethyst”. Courtney made me angry and selfish and gave me an air of self righteous entitlement. If others were going to treat me poorly then I would beat them to the punch. When you get used by most from wearing your heart on your sleeve there comes a point when you are done giving. I have put my foot down lots over the past year that I have ground my kitten heels into the ground. I see bad people and I had enough! “I told you from the start just how this would end!” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=cH_rfGBwamc

3. Eminem, “Not Afraid”. Music. You never forget how it affects you and when it comes to Eminen I will take his lyrics to the grave. This song. The imagery. Forgive me as I choke. An before this video came on I sat across from my dad and his wife on my 28th birthday. When my piece of cake was dropped off and we grabbed our 3 forks he casually said that’s too bad about Clint. The cake stuck in my throat and I looked up at him and said what the f*ck are you talking about? In a casual way he told me he killed himself jumping off a building, lines of cocaine never looked so good. This was my cousin. My mom’s brothers boy now my dad had a nuke and he used it. The similarities between what I saw in the video and what I imagined to be my cousin’s last minutes. Forgive me when I go off and cry. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=j5-yKhDd64s

2. Eminem ft Rhianna, “Monster”. Self explanatory and oh so comforting. Lull me to sleep while telling me I am ok. Well not entirely ok but it’s ok to be friends with the monster in my mind at least that’s what Rhianna will have us believing. She truly makes me believe that it’s ok to be crazy, in fact we all are a little and those that think otherwise are just being unfair and unkind. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=EHkozMIXZ8w

1. Johnny Cash, “Hurt”. Although a copy of another’s man song, Johnny’s version is hand’s down the best. It’s the video. He records the video after June dies and implies life means nothing now that she is gone. “My empire of dirt”. This song serves as a reminder that the most important things in life we can never get back and the deepest regret in life we will have is not appreciating the living. https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=8AHCfZTRGiI

Music had served as a gateway to help us access our deepest feelings. I wish I knew this in school. I hated band and choir but that was because I had falling victim to a bad crowd that hated everything to do with school. Not being one to have regrets I took up the violin 2 years ago. When it comes to music there is no power like when you are able to play an instrument myself. I may not be the best but my heart is in the right place as I try to do the best that I can.

Music has a way of capturing the most pivotal moments in history making others pain into something we can’t understand. It takes our fear and pushes it away and allows others to come and find us. These two videos affect me still because of all the horrors that were brought onto the world.

Pink Floyd, “The Wall” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qMtSisXjYZo

Enrique Iglesias, “Hero” https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=6c4gwSZL9Pc&has_verified=1

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