Are you busy or fulfilled? Do you serve a higher purpose or keep your feet on the ground? Do you truly love yourself or only when somebody else does? Do you waste away your minutes or do you fully utilize your time? Some people don’t realize the value of a moment until the moment is gone. Me I prefer to savour it for all it has to offer because I know there is no moment like the one I am in.
Hating myself was so very easy. Yet if kept on going in that way I would never be able to allow true love in. Everything that was making it’s way to me was very superficial, it’s substance barely breaking the surface, yet numbing to the touch. Here I could wait in limbo at least I thought I could wait but Father Time always remained in control. Whomever I was destined to be was going to happen in this lifetime so I best be putting on foot in front of the other. No amount of lingering in the past was going to change how was feeling today. All I can be is who I am in this moment and work towards a brighter day.
When I close my eyes I will to life those that I miss the most. I try to have these conversations in my mind to try and get a clarity for what troubles my mind the most. Most pressing is will I ever find success in life and the answer is always it depends on how you define it. How do you define success in it’s entirety or do you try and hoard it like most do. The literary definition of success is simply “the accomplishment of an aim or purpose” but the true definition is something we find from way deep inside of us. It is the masses that make success all about gold and money and other miscellaneous material things. Most of us like nice things. I mean don’t we all? Now my accumulation of such things now serves a greater purpose. You might laugh and scoff and say how can an addiction to nice things ever be justified but if you listen for a second I will tell you why. So here’s the thing we all love a good bargain but what if you can buy a one of a kind piece, a true work a heart. A snapshot of another’s heart and soul right there in your life to remind you of what is important. Money can’t buy happiness but it can help enhance another’s life. I think this was abundantly clear during COVID when so many of us started embracing our hidden passions and creating such art. So not only can we help another make their living we can decolonize our spending. Which really should be trending all things considering.
Success is also determined by the company we keep. Apparently? Some spend their whole lives ignoring the ones that love them pretending to be somebody they are not. How exhausting, all things considering. I wonder how you feel when you come to the end of your life? Or is it the end of the rope that you get you that makes you get there that much faster. We weren’t born to play games or to deceive or to tell lies. Everything that we are known to be works against that right ward thinking so how can it even possibly be. Since the dawn of time we always over inflated our egos. Why did we need to inflate and who was it we were so eager to impress? You have to love yourself so hard that nobody else matters. Don’t worry about those that don’t share your same destiny. It is your own moment of truth. Close your eyes right now and tell me what it is you are thinking. Can you focus on one thing are is your mind just a scattering? I have taken this holistic approach to my own healing. Who should know themselves better than me or what it is that I am feeling? I have fallen so hard for where I am going in life and I don’t even know how long it will last. I try to imagine myself with this infinite power, wisdom and wealth but my dreams never allow me to get there because that is not where I want to be.
I want to be so in tune with the Earth that I have almost become obsessed with grounding. My definition of success is now to connect with Mother Earth and to do this with an open heart, mind and full of promises. To the animal kingdom I may have betrayed by consuming them in such large quantities and unethical ways I repent. In my carnal passion for satisfying my gullet I become afraid of the role I played. It is murder when you do something with callous intent. And that is what happens when you kill for profit instead of necessity. Our animals purposes were never to rot. To my plant kingdom who provided us herbs and plants to heal us and fruits and vegetables to sustain us I will try and get to know your life cycle, your journey, your natural beauty. I will bring your seeds to life and nurture them with my own hands just as I do with other living things that have made their way under my care. To our ecosystems that man has consistently and probably forever failed I promise to actively promote you in the hopes to return you to former glory. Why did we decide that profit over life was the only thing that made the most sense. I know before I said I am ashamed of being Canadian and at times being white but I think what I am most ashamed of being human and that isn’t right. How can I connect with a species who doesn’t give a sh*t about what it is that they do? Everything in it’s path didn’t stand a chance against the all mighty dollar. Species gone forever and to me that makes no sense. Somehow that is the collateral damage of success that never sat right with me. How can anybody want to do that? And not want to stop it with all that money. Monkey see as monkey do except for when it comes to sustainable living or reducing our carbon footprints. Now ask yourself who is the wiser species. I think your response will surprise you.