For somebody who desired nothing more to fit in seeing these words on a Facebook post shattered me to my core. I thought in my 40’s the company I had found myself in was beyond this type of behaviour but I guess what can we assume by a culture that is so disconnected. Somehow in our minds we have convinced ourselves that it is enough to be one way with one person and then switch faces to deal with the next. That is what it felt like just happened to me so I needed to dissect the way they were defining it to see if maybe I had somehow been coaxed off track.

What I thought I loved about Pin-Up was the hope, friendship and comradery but the malicious backstabbing that I found left me nauseated. There were these women mocking abuse survivors, mocking each other, being racist, being hateful but hiding underneath these thick red painted lips. Then the red that was the epitome of shade amongst pin-ups began to turn my stomach to no end. The men I wanted to cheer for and inspire to bring home now were shaded with this awful history. When I think of these soldiers fighting for territory in a country they just left I can’t make sense of it. When I read about the Indigenous Veterans who fought beside these settlers way back before these white men even owned these shores all I feel is betrayed. Our country is divided by all these treaties but for what? for why? How can anybody decide what is given to us when we come alive? I will never believe that the rich are supposed to stay rich and everybody else will work there fingers and blue collars to the bone.

All of our cultures bleed into one giant glob of European Settlers. That’s who most of us are. When I think about all that has happened historical then I compare it to my own life there is something that is similar, if you could even believe. The abused mind mentality alters itself to survive. You try to change into your captor because instinct takes over and you will morph as many times as you need to until you one day die. I tiptoe around my house so not to anger the bear. I think that is how most Indigenous feel sometimes when stepping off the reserve. Especially when it comes to those men and women that are paid to protect us. Ever since white man has come to this great land their goal has been to exterminate the Indigenous soul and do away with their beliefs. What is being shown here is a the threat and insecurities of these men when they came. There was no hope for peaceful settlement because they KNEW just what they could take. Imagine coming across a civilization (yes civilized because there is nothing more intelligent then treating others as you want to be treated instead of becoming the scum of the Earth) who loves the land they live on so much they have left it virtually intact. Imagine the lush forests, bountiful waters, immense pride and love coming from this land. Now as a potential European Settler focused nothing on greed all you see is dollar sign after dollar sign. Now it is your time to get paid.

I will never stop being amused at how ridiculous all this truly is. If it was any other culture then our Indigenous we would have settled this on a Par 9 then had a few beer. The reason why we can’t reconcile is because we are always in the wrong. You know what they used to say when I was a banker? That you can’t enter a legally binding contract if there is a chance that you don’t fully understand what you are signing or if you have been mislead or misinformed in any way. I can’t even imagine what it would have felt like in that treaty room. I think once the court refused to honour the Iroqouis, Cree, Blackfoot (there are many more) traditions the treaties should have been null and void. It is absolutely insane to me as human beings we aren’t able to reach a compassionate, empathetic agreement. Tell me why do we honour ever immigrants belief here on Canadian soil but we want suppress our real Father’s and take them away so we all forget. As a child I was made to recite the Lord’s Prayer and pledge my allegiance to the Queen. Meanwhile all those I was swearing to abide by had knowledge of these Residential School’s.

So am I Pin-Up? Heartbreakingly I will have to now say no. Those I thought had the best intentions for the world had fallen from grace in my eyes. I used to adore and admire their positive ways but fell out of love with them for obvious reasons. When you hold the public’s eye captive for even a moment you have a responsibility to live differently. You should never use your words as daggers because you are fully aware of how much they hurt. Watching another sister fall apart for reasons you contributed to reminds me of the settler mentality of I will just keep coming at you until you have no choice but to give up. Yes I made the comparison between all these events because how else can anybody every understand. They say the key to decolonization means almost EVERY Canadian needs to use their show up. It is not a show up for an hour on a social media platform then head off into the mist. It’s a show up every damn day saying the same damn things until more people take notice. It means get up EVERY DAMN DAY and stop that irrational colonized thinking. There is a reason they say do what you love and you will never work a day in your life. Think of how many boring, low paid, mindless, useless jobs these settlers created. All to keep the mind busy so they can make another cool million. The joke is we assume being civilized means being surrounded by technology in these temples made of concrete. Being civilized to me is being respectful of your time here while reducing your own carbon footprint therefore allowing each of use to live uniquely in a harmonious space.