Although my husband is in my space right now he is not my forever space. That fact alone is impossible for so many to try and understand. I was alone for years. It was easier that way. A few weeks, maybe a month would pass with sharing in another’s company but there immature ways would come to stay. I am a free spirit that can never be tamed. It was unrealistic to think that this marriage could ever work. The reason why it does is because he rarely notices me. He notices me long enough only to get angry so he has an excuse to run off and play.
I have come to terms with this time and am learning to appreciate what I can do with this free time in between. I guess it is not entirely free as every moment is a blessing and right now I get to be a mom to this incredible little being. In his eyes I see that quiet, trusting wonder with a hint of unsure, curious nature as he comes to learn the land. In his smile I see every child that has ever taken a breath before and I thank the heavens that I get to squeeze his cute lil chin and his even sweeter cheruby little cheeks. My purpose here on this Earth as never been so clear. I am merely a servant, protector of human entities that need a chance to be healed. Follow your passion, follow your dreams is what whispers to me everyday. I want to feel connected to the blood that was spilled. I need Mother Earth to know I care.
We all need a purpose and it shouldn’t be to touch on the divine. Souls were sacrificed for a purpose and my mind can’t help that now has become the time. Here in this crossroads we have the power to be forever remembered as the generation who returned thousands upon thousands of babies back to their homes. No human being should ever have to question what happened to that piece of their heart. I watch mother’s who mourn when they got a chance to be at their bed side but where do those mother’s go when the where about’s of their babies they will never know. Think about what they will say about us in 200 years. They knew where their babies were and they didn’t change a damn thing!!! Reconciliation was supposed to start back in 2008. At least that is what the books will make you believe. Maybe even sooner but what do I care books written in that penmanship have been completely white washed. The Indigenous culture needed to be destroyed and that is still the focus of today. Our Indigenous communities can live off the lands and that is a threat to big pompous white men who made all their money on tobacco and cotton. Which is another HUGE oxymoron and slap on the face. Hmmm is that tobacco in your piece pipe? Ya I don’t smoke but let me go wipe my *ss on the constitution of human rights. Am I the only one that sees this? The whole beautiful culture had to go. What you celebrate and dance into the night to bless the beginning of the new day? You should sell tickets to that and add in liquor! Oh and no more fires to go with that we have these flood lights but you need to pay for the power to get it to your door. Uhmm what the hell just happened here. Looks like John Mayer had it right. “They paved paradise and put in a parking lot,” then charged us tickets to park.
The scariest thing of trying to break free of this so called life if you are going to be the only one running buck *ss naked because you have become tired of all that you have to come to see. The putrid lies that have funded this country now stare us all straight in the face. Who are you? Whose side are you on? Tick Tock Muther Fucka because it is time to choose. Honestly. Be real. Did you just come along for the ride to see who it is you can use and how it is you can get to level up. I see you and all that you don’t do and it is obvious from all the things you care about and all the things you don’t. Connecting with nature is more than getting out into the bush. It is to run into that bush looking for her people and say I am sorry that all these f*cked up things happened to you. If you can’t imagine what it would feel like to have the WHOLE WORLD want to kill you and your family then you need to sit down and listen up. LIVING BEINGS invaded a new land and only came here to f*ck sh*t up. You believe their purpose was different, fight me. I can’t believe we pretend we are multi cultural when we totally allow for another race to be continuously screwed over. Hail the Queen. What the F for? We should all get used to the idea of Hailing to the Chief.
What I have come to know in the short time that I have become consummed with our true culture and heritage how truly peace loving our Indigenous communities were and have always been. If we allowed ourselves to be overcome with their grace their would never be the desire for war. We would never allow the continuous rape of our land which doesn’t make sense to me as we all desire to run to the mountains and marinade and fresh air. How is it we are still blind and set in these nomadic ways. Love is love is not love when it stops making money and buying these executive ways. There are toxic people on both sides. I am not speaking to them. I am speaking to the person reading this what are YOU doing to make your life count. If I listen to my husband I would just accept things as they were. Now that I know that I could have lived differently though I want to find all that this means and more. It’s not a vanity thing that makes me believe that I am in love with myself. It just means I am secure in knowing who it is that I want to transform into being. I want to be kind and honest in my intentions when it comes to healing myself and others and I promise to always lend a hand. Funny how Brownies taught me all the goodies in life and how I have never forgotten them. I want to be a mom that teaches my son to live kind and to shed others in the best light. That the only light worth shining from is the reflection we receive from others.