Those that flap their gums just to be heard then change their song as soon as you walk away have to be the worst type of vulture out there. They wait until you expose your under belly to hit you were you are must vulnerable and once weakened they casually slip away.

I don’t have time for all that in my life. My life is non stop busy since my feet hit the floor. Has always been this way since I left out that front door and went away. College was the biggest trip I have ever come to know. We were all there to learn something be it social skills or to get some sort of education that would further try to define who we were hoping we would come into being. I had college mates. We were inseparable. Well until my besties boyfriend got jealous and took her away. He grew to become jealous of her son and had just broke his little arm. We thought there was time. There should have been time. She was found months later rolled up in a carpet from their living room floor.

I take a person’s tone and words very seriously. How else can we determine another’s validity? Everybody wants something for nothing. That includes trying to get it all for free. Pay no mind to the one who just yaps who can’t back themselves up. Those people are a danger to society and more likely themselves. I am very aware that the way we speak has the ability to destroy others. Maybe that is why I prefer to remain silent then say anything at all. Most end up in this cyclone of negativity spewing out filth in the hopes that it will one day land.

One thing that I am fully aware of is that you always have to be careful with how much value you put into what other’s have to say. When the whole world appears to be working against you that is when your sanity of mind is most vulnerable. Surround yourself with those that truly love you and want the best for you and don’t worry to much about what other’s do and say. I think in they end they will hopefully play out. I still believe in the possibility of ying and yang.

I know what a good life feels like and it has nothing to do with impressing the people in your company. My eyes never got so wide when I listened to a member of our community insult another woman for “stealing her man”. She went as far to get her black balled from a community that could have potentially saved her. You see that “man” that she was fighting so tirelessly over was “apparently” abusive to her and I say apparently because what “woman” would let another woman be physically abused in that way. My guard was up already because women like this should pay no mind. Her character confirmed as she sided with another man who threatened to beat me into oblivion in defense of his wife. Two strikes my friend and your lips are sealed. It still turns my stomach to this day that you still profit off of all these girls. When I think of that community I would rather run for the hills. Loving, unconditional support doesn’t look like that. I can promise you that.

Maybe I am too sensitive. Maybe I am trying not to care…too much. There are those that are just like weeds in the wind praying for snowfall to take them away. They never just disappear they are always just there. Taking up time in my personal space until I decide that it is time. Cutting people off never comes easy. It is necessary though for you to heal and move away from the things that threatened to destroy you. It wasn’t the pandemic that made me housebound. It gave me an excuse to take a lengthy time out and observe what others were trying to say. I shut down my Facebook of a few thousand and now have a new one of about 50 or so. I can’t decipher this garbage that has made it to this wasteland. All I know for sure is that I am ready to fly.

The users of the world should have their time but for now we are just waiting for the tides to turn. Ethics seem to be more of a passing fancy. Not too many are willing to engage. What is good for one may not be good for another yet we are all intertwined in this most incestuous way. Did you hear what so and so did with so and so? No. I have no l idea what it is you are trying to say. Or who it is you are talking about. Life isn’t like that now. We know everybody’s business. Our access to social media ensures us of that. Yap, Yap but don’t clap back because if you have a difference of an opinion there will be an army of fools ready to lynch you and hang you out to dry. There is nothing more powerful than trolls in big numbers. Trolls get their power from being heard and unseen.

I was never a troll. At times I could be mean. I was young and out of control I really only cared about being seen and in the wrong kind of way. I would say what needed to be said so I wouldn’t have to be alone. Little twists on what was once the truth, how would anybody ever come to know? I knew. I felt it. With every white lie I told a new piece of me would begin to slip away. The more I worked at hiding who I was the more alone I began to feel even though I was surrounded by so many. I was in a daze before but when I look up now I don’t like who it is I came to be. The woman who was being abused by her partner what she needed was a friend. She didn’t need an army of woman to ridicule and wag fingers and make sure she never surfaced back up again. I think about her everyday and I cringe every time I see her bullies face. When she comes up on my feed laughing I just think what an immature child, the ultimate disgrace. A woman helps another in times of complete distress. We befriend the mother who has children because she just may have nobody else. We don’t push her away back into her cave with her poor little baby cubs. What’s the point of using your lips if you never, ever use them for good?