I think that is what I love most about my public use of cannabis. Everybody has an opinion. Sometimes it is for your or against you or something entirely else. What lurks int he shadows is terrifying that is why I leave the dark and enter my dreams. What the uptight neighbour besides us just shows the extent of another’s twisted own mind. We all knows somebody who smokes cannabis then plays like they don’t when it comes to social media. What a scam!! I only come out on April 20, every single g*d damn year! What the ever living f*ck is wrong with you? Stop throwing stones and blowing bubbles and have yourself a nice day.
So before I go let’s dissect these thoughts with a philosophical brain. I don’t need too many friends persay, my Grandmother lived on a farm and she was glorious. Yes maybe my life partner needs to change but all in good time. I will keep on working on me until then let’s move on to the next point of this thought stream. I am going off my prescriptions and there is not a damn thing anybody can do. With side effects of taking ones beauty F off!! I see what time it is, game over. Nevermind. Get the F out of here. The real history of Canada seriously needs to come into light. I will not buy into this colonized way of life anymore no thank you not for me. I just want to live a good life filled with kindness and respect and if the Universe can throw in some true love who would I be to complain?
Basic human compassion and decency is something very unfamiliar to most. I see it in the ways we interact with each other. In all the ways we decide in which to play. Drugs and alcohol is consumed to announce the arrival of a new party. Celebrating long into the night while thousands of others suffer with no identity. We carry on like those who came before us were never good enough to make an impact so let’s just forget about them and take their land. We will consume all that it means to be human and in it’s place we will stand tall as incurable men with a noxious disease. That is how I see things lately. There are far too many willing to never understand.
Think of the girl we were born to be, before the world got to cold and took our smile away. There had to be a way to set aside those that understood my journey and to them I didn’t need to keep explaining. They didn’t roll their eyes and say, “OMG not another MLM vomit”, no my VIP’s greeted me with open arms and I could hear their cheer even when I had shut the blinds and pulled the blanket over my eyes and begged for the darkness of night to take my cheer away. These women came and celebrated my victories and heard my cries and said let’s host another Nail Bar, let’s do what you love doing, let’s celebrate beauty and sisterhood and all the things that you stand for and all the things that you were born to do.
The first day of me feeding her she did try to bite me. It wasn’t too hard but that was because she didn’t have the energy. The one thing that soothed her was when I put the ointment on her burns. She would relax for a moment then would go right back to biting. I don’t blame her she spent the last 8 years in hell. The family that had her before mentioned that Cinnamon’s sister had died. They told my husband the two were kept separated in cages never to see each other again. This is a well off family that watched a poor lil gal suffer. She would have been screaming in agony. I have seen the burns on her skin to confirm this. She gave up crying because she knew that her cries were never going to be heard. Now as I sit here feeding her I kind of question if there is any decency left in this world.
The right team is crucial in anything in life that we do and that includes all different types of the family dynamic. Remember if you are doing the right thing in life you will never feel like you are working. Being kind to the hand that feeds you is harder to do with sore cuticles and ragged nails believe you me. After all these years I still remember both of my Grandmother’s hard working hands and how I wish I could hold them just for one moment more. If only I knew the grace that comes when being kind and how I wish we would all do something more.
Last night as my son slept I traced every curve of his body. He looked so peaceful as I put my head on his chest to hear his heart beating. Nobody ever notices me so I guess it wouldn’t matter if I was gone now would it. At least he wouldn’t have an addict, dead beat mom. I am so over being hated. The more I think the more I think that it all makes sense.
“Blow your brains out. Eat all the pills.” Your life is worthless to all those around you. Do us all a favour and say goodbye. These words have always been a part of my life in some shape or form. I am tired of those around me trying to impose their wishes that involves me paying the ultimate price. I remember trying to kill myself at 13 when I found out my boyfriend at the time was sleeping with his cousin.
Maybe that is where we get stuck the most is we tend to over think. Just relax. There will always be those that are out there trying to distract you and honestly just pay no mind. A cat doesn’t question when his next nap is coming. He has full belief it will come. Even in the darkest hours of abandonment they find rest. Peace comes when they finally find acceptance and a window perch that they will always forever be able to reset their head.
Life in it’s abundance is the only thing that make entire sense in my world. This nasty woman telling me that she only indulges in self care every three weeks just makes me cringe. I know financially we are all forcing different constraints but to not wash your face or moisturize your skin just sets alarm bells in my mind. Take last night for example. I used my very own CBD cleansing balm (stay tuned Monday for the recipe) and it was luxurious. So rich and luxurious actually that I use it as a makeup remover.