“From this day on, you are part of a family. I know what you have had to give to earn the right to be here. The difference between the four of you and the rest of those who have failed is very simple: it is the ability to give that little big extra when it hurts. You see, the difference between ordinary and extraordinary is often just that little word extra.”

I love to read. I have to read. How else would I expose myself to a new way of interpreting things. A knew prospective on how how the Earth ticks. For the last few years I have used my library search engine to find different books discussing a long variety of topics to help enhance my life and hopefully those around me as well. This is how I found myself reading a book penned by Bear Grylls. Uhmm I think you should open with I jumped out of a plane while on tour and broke my back in a few places. Instead of allowing my fear to rule over my life I decided to jump out of anything that would allow me to jump out while flying high in the air. My fear although present in each and every jump I still do what scares me as I refuse to let that fear rule my life.

Imagine that. Some of our fear is just getting out of bed in the morning and here this guy is taking the bull by the gonads and making it his b*tch. So now think about your life. What are you doing each day to ensure you don’t succumb to this ride. That when bad news comes knocking on your door you kick the door off the hinges and say now what Mother F*cka come hit me with your best shot. It is part of the reason why I write. I think it is also another reason that others get mad. My blog is my truth and my story and there are times what I say gets underneath another’s skin but it is only because they don’t like what it is I have to say. I don’t choke on my fear when it comes to standing up for myself. If you are doing something shady and you do it around my general vicinity you are getting called out. What so many people forget is this is OUR life and as long as we are breaking too many fingers and stepping on too many toes who gives a damn anyways? Just the one with broken toes and fingers because they crossed one too many paths.

Now let’s talk about my career. This is a very slippery conversation because it truly is just a difference of opinions and not a meeting of the minds. There is no denying I am a controversial creature. I wear my stories of survival on my sleeve because I know there are others like me. “On average, nearly 20 people per minute are physically abused by an intimate partner in the United States. During one year, this equates to more than 10 million women and men. 1 1 in 3 women and 1 in 4 men have experienced some form of physical violence by an intimate partner.” This is the stat I got from Google so let that stick in. I am often criticized for my marijuana use (which is Doctor supervised by the way) but I am still addicted to feeling good. Effexor messed up my mind and it was wreaking havoc on my family life. Somebody was going to lose the battle and it sure as hell wasn’t going to let it be me. The judgmental minds of the petty will never sway me. I can only imagine what their story would reveal and have to say. When people comment and tell me that my “drug” use is a trigger to them I am like seriously WTH. There is not a damn thing that doesn’t trigger me but I would never use it to encourage another to self harm, NO!!! The only fear I have is not reaching a young mind like me and I don’t care how many trolls come out of the wood work trying to destroy me. Yes I may not have jumped out of a plane and broke my back like Grylls but I know what it feels likes to live broken, mentally not physically that is.

I speak up so others doesn’t have to and I have stood tall in this reserve no matter what has been thrown my way. My blog is a truth testament to my experiences and serves as a notation to what it is I have encountered. Take my new business for example. I love everything that it stands for but once again I stand on the outside looking in. It is not so much them that keeps me away but my own fear of what others have to say. The lady who signed me up quickly forgot about me. I knew that was a risk that I was going to have to accept. Not many like to reveal themselves the way that I do, in fact a lot of people can’t handle the truth that I emit. My body is just a vessel that I use to connect with all of you. Where some see a hyper sexualized being. All I see is me. I have no problems posing nude while hiding those bits that drive another insane. When pics and comments slide into my DM’s I am always over the top shocked. The last pic I received I took a look and commented that is all that you got? Not that it didn’t look like a hairy mushroom sitting there not doing a damn thing. I wasn’t commenting on the size, though, I meant did you just drop your draws and fire off a shot. If I am going to sit here and try to create a living piece of art why would you offend me with no artistic flair of your own? Have you not seen a penis they are all pretty much the same. There is nothing different in these men’s approach and I just couldn’t be bothered. It’s not about enjoying sex (I think I still can it’s been years) but about the level of intimacy reached between two partners. How long can you lay skin to skin with another absorbing everything that is each other with only your breaths to warm your skin no hands. People bore me. If I don’t conform to what they see as being picturesque I am destined to live this life alone.