Pain, Pride, Sacrifice

We are all here for a purpose but most of us have become too numb to try and understand the reasoning. To scared of our own shadow we stick to crowds that weigh us down then try to help us find a way to fly. I try to take away all the layers that make up life to try and make it add up in some way. Why do some struggle so much more than others when all that is different between us is found somewhere in our DNA. Maybe that is the connection between this life and the next. This molecular little thing that separates you from me. Then there is that crazy rarity where some twins share the exact same DNA. Worse yet they both were serial rapists and then destined to be killers. You see you can’t try the same person for the same crime over and over again much in the same way that you need to have a reasonable doubt. The world is all sorts of messed these days and you can see it in all things we try to squirrel away. We reduce our bodies to crippled over remnants of who we once were. Mourning the loss of your youth in ways that would destroy another living being. I have learned a lot in a house of cats surrounded by nature. You absorb what it is that is important to them. Truly not much actually matter of fact. I know my animals feel safe and secure and I can prove to you every single time. Most animals stir when another is near by not mine they are sound asleep as logs. Their pride comes in knowing that they have family found a safe home. They are safe here. Minimal pain and no more sacrifice. I say minimal because there is always a time when the pain has no choice but to make it’s way on through. I am not here to amuse anybody else but myself nor well I ever succumb to a good time. Not anymore like I used to. The devil walks among us and he is no longer in Prada he is wearing everything from Shein just like you and me.

My pain comes in the form of solidarity as I would rather walk along then try to face the riptide of others and there lament excuse for mistrust. In a world that keeps screaming for us all to find a safe place I am yet to swim in waters where I feel welcomed and at peace. I am in more pain that I care what it is that other’s make me out to be. They need me to feel some sort of hate and content in my own heart for loving my own skin and smoking weed. I don’t get off on other people’s pain and sacrifice in fact for me it is everything but. How can I sit there and say everybody is welcome and included where no matter where I go the opposite is where I find to be true. I am not ashamed of my body although everybody wants me to feel that way. Isn’t she old, fat and ugly? And she must be lying about being raped. No woman who has been forced to the limits that she claims to be would ever show her body off in that way. That is exactly what every single man in my life has wanted me to believe. Cover up your body honey you are either too fat or bringing on too many welcoming advances and touches. If your clothes hugs your curves and leaves little to the imagination than you must be willing to give into the weight. Lay down and accept their advances nobody will ever believe you you were raped.

I sacrificed so much of who I wanted to be and how I allowed myself to accept love because of everybody else’s misguided approach to how I should live. Why should I carry this shame for all these years because some person out there wanted to have their nasty way. Sure it happened more than once so everybody will argue I got what I deserved. This is what is wrong with the modern world it is narrow minded just like this thinking. She smokes weed. She must be easy. She prefers to have the elements touch her skin than all these man made concoctions. What is wrong with loving who it is that we appear in this world to be? Is it wrong that I want to embrace everything that I am and it shouldn’t be made too ashamed and to hide it. When we can look at true beauty without getting hard in pants I think that is what separates us from the men, pig and mice. If you have too much confidence you are thought to be a slut. If you study the way your body moves and looks in the mirror than you are going to hell for your vanity. Same when it comes to trying to emit only positive energy. Did you see what that man stealer is up to you, you better hurry up and delete and block her. If only they all knew how none of that truly matters to me. The reason why I don’t rollover and die from all my past history is because I would rather be a success somehow in life one day. Kind of the last giant F you as I leave this world and say Goodbye!! That’s right Motha F*cka I chose to make myself a great day!!! The reality in life is those who hurt us will never know that they caused us such pain. Even less of a chance of them even caring or knowing if you are successful in life one day. The truth is it shouldn’t matter though. It is your life always. No matter what happens. You always deserve to have the best life and see it all the way through!

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