Validation in Existence.

The validation that we seek is never going to find us because we will spend our whole lives searching outside for it. It doesn’t come in the form of a smile from a stranger or even in the loving arms of a friend. What we need to accept as our own weakness is that what we seek is something stored deep somewhere inside of us. It is in the form of the little girl that didn’t get invited to the birthday that everybody else did. The sadness that comes in knowing that when asked what 10 friends she would invited you didn’t make the cut. Sure that feeling of knowing that maybe you had friends in that circle sinks deeper inside of you when you are sitting at your Grandmother’s watching another round of Saturday cartoons. Somewhere you remember that feeling and you bring it to life to prevent you from trying anything new. No don’t try and do that in that way. You are going to fall flat on your face. People like you don’t amount to anything. Just as it was said to me before do the world a favour and kill yourself what good is somebody like you for?

I was always that loser when all I wanted to be was me. I thought I found my husband to be in University but all he did was sit around and use me. For the four years I went to college in Kamloops he sat around and gained the Freshmen 150. I know it is supposed to be 15 but with a girlfriend never at home doing all the work it freed him to play on the computer. I mean he had two characters going in one game. This was in the early 2000 so gaming was not what it is now. He would stay up to the wee hours in the morning (some days not at all) and then he would climb into bed and make it seem like he was there all along. I was the one working two jobs, going to the gym, going to school, taking, on-line classes just so I can graduate on time. There is no furry like a woman who is forced to do everything. There was a time where he was actually molding to the chair.

Having zero self esteem and self worth is a very slippery slope. You end up in the company of anything just so you can say I have a partner in life so there’s that. Most of struggle to find somebody even remotely compatible. And everybody thinks the grass is greener on the other side. That is the glue that keeps me and my husband together. No matter the fight there is no possibility that we would do each other like that. Sure we talk and I tell him there’s the chance. But if and when it came to pulling the trigger. He would know before the gun was even loaded and the first shot of the gun rang into the night. I look at all the loser’s I dated that were always somebody else’s trash. Never trust a man who can’t say a nice thing about their ex. There is NO WAY we are all like that. The stories that spin and the lies that weave still have me looking out into the pastures with an air of disbelief. Ya sure sex was designed to feel good. If it didn’t how would we create other beings, other species would just get lost. Maybe if we moved on instinct instead of tallying up the ranks. How many notches are on your bed post? And how often do you bump uglies into the night.

We have it all figured out don’t we as another hamster wheel comes of it’s tracks. We are a species running on over drive always and we have long given into these incestuous track. Do we even do what feels good to us because of what we have come to experience or do we do what we have come accustomed to because some other big wig has made it this way? Do you indulge in habits, in activities to help you “level up”? Or do you do what you have always done in the hopes of one day achieving success. It is like winning the lottery. We all hope for it. We all pray for it. We wish it would come to us because it is a lot easier to win a million dollars for doing nothing then earning it the good old fashioned way. Remember if you keep doing what you have always done then you will always get what you always got. Sure our multi level marketing friends are annoying but they are taking the ultimate risk. They are choosing to believe in something that might open the gateway to another way. Sure I can take the guaranteed pay check making minimum wage with no incentives or bonuses and don’t even think about asking for time off. It’s strange to me how negative people get for things that some of us are doing anyways. Washing your face. Get paid. Moisturizing your body. Get paid. Use mascara. Get paid.And my personal favourite keeping money out of the pockets of those entitled big wigs that wouldn’t p*ss on anyone of us if we are on fire and feel that sending over 500 pounds of white rice to third world countries will guarantee their access into Heaven. Seems to me to be the biggest conspiracy theory ever. Work yourself to an early grave making another man’s fortune so you can die alone without your family because you burned down all your bridges trying to get paid. My end goal has never been about making a millionaire dollars. It was about making better spending choices to help provide a better life for my family. In the 2 months since I have joined with Limelife I have earned $300 + in extra cash PLUS $185 in free product. That was money that was going to be spent on drug store products that I just funneled into putting it into action for myself. There are no paraben’s or sulfates. No testing on animals PLUS there is a recycling program. My goal has to be more sustainable while reducing my carbon footprint while loving and caring for not only myself but my family as well. Where is the evil in that? Of course I tell my family and friends about the products and program because I want y’all to succeed too? It’s not about annoying it is about being smarter with your choices. My validation comes in my existence and how I choose to live my life.

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