I talk about libido too much don’t I? It’s an easy conversation to talk about. Sex and our lust or lack of will dictate to many of us where we will lay our heads. When sex has become more important than raising our own children it makes me wonder if sterilization could ever be a thing. I am not trying to be mean in saying so. There are just those that would rather not have a demon spawn. Those people I feel should terminate their ability to be able to carry. Why have an oops moment or accident. Why not manifest your own destiny by taking that possibility away? Children are as close to magic as we will ever become so why don’t we treat them like the glorious gift that they are? What most of us thrive on is love. What how quickly those without it disintegrate away.

Our sex drive is what allows our race to keep on trudging on. The combining of our DNA creating a new being, a new entity that maybe able to take all that pain away. A sweet cheruby new born with so much promise bestowed onto the world. It is a harsh reality to think that some people don’t value these sweet beings as being weighted in gold. Inside of each of these new lives is the potential and promise to live a life so great. It shouldn’t matter where it is that that life begins. What matters most is all those qualities and characteristics that money can’t buy but we don’t care about those. We have never cared about that. Nice girls get forgotten about. They are lucky if they are even able to finish last. Most don’t get out of the blocks before being taken down by foe’s or even forbid friends. Not everybody will have your best interest at heart. It amazes me how often we will sacrifice everything for the hope of something else.

Things not working out at home well open that secondary elusive folder on social media and watch all the dick pics slide in. No kidding. No joke. People lead with sex like that is all they can offer another living being. There are no social skills required when laying flat on your back. Those that complain about the dead star fish position well get to it Kevin I got better things to do. Empires to build and meeting of the minds to plan. I don’t even bother with men anymore in this way. They never cease to amaze me at how vile they can be when they don’t get there way. Dealing with some men is like looking at the discounted meat in your local meat department. Your not sure if you agree with what the label says but eh we all deserve a somewhat good meal every once in awhile, right?

You may disagree with everything that I am saying. Speaking to my younger heart though I can tell you I was EXACTLY this way. What I wanted most in life was a life partner, somebody to grow old with and watch how the seasons change. There doesn’t seem to be too many that think this way anymore. There are WAY too many flavours and way to much fear. What if there is something better somewhere. Would I have a better life if I just upgraded and changed? Funny how when I was sitting all alone this is the life I had always wanted. Then when I had what I wanted I picked it apart till there was nothing but carcass left. Nobody tells you how hard living with another being can be especially one that is now bond to you by life. Once in the bonds of marriage and another in the child that we share. The idea that we can just wash our hands from this ever happening speak volumes to the depth of character. I think of my Dad and how it is he has zero contact with the first half of his life. He shunned his blood family, his children and of course his ex wife. It is easier to slam the door on all of our faces. The only risk that we posed to you new wife is that we wanted to love you unconditionally. My mind now has to work like my father has passed on. Soon I will write my final goodbye. The words I would speak while standing at his grave. Why should I carry the weight of how I feel. 20 years have gone since my Dad was my best friend. I want to scream and shout but nothing will ever get any of that time back. He didn’t invite me to his wedding so I returned the favour. My son has no Grandfather on my side and my whole being feels broken.

The only thing I learned from my Dad is that it is ok to lose everything when it comes to sex. A partner will promise you everything and it is ok to take it no matter what it is you leave behind you forever. When it comes to how I feel about him there is nobody to talk to. My sisters just turn over when they think about him so I stopped trying to bring him up. In my mind I keep thinking his time is coming, you are losing your chance to say goodbye. Our fight began because I begged him to chose me. I told him I would sacrifice my life for him as long as he would always be my best friend. I never cared for sex I guess like most do, years of being raped. It’s obvious who he chose in the end. They both hate my guts. All I wanted was my Dad, my hero and I will never, ever get back all those years. I know what it feels like when somebody chooses the physical act of sex over true love. I miss my Dad. Now it’s time in order for me to move on. I must write a letter to his grave and let the angels hear my words.