Loyalty. Do you identify as being loyal? When push comes to shove and things begin to move towards the dark side do you sell your soul to the next in line or do you dig your heels and do the right thing. What is the right thing? Who are you loyal to? Are you even loyal to yourself at the end of the day when you turn off the lights?
People are capable of really bad things and I learned early on it is best not to ask questions. If you don’t ask anything you don’t know. Nobody can tax you or make you pay retribution for something in your mind that doesn’t even exist. You can’t rat on an associate if you know nothing. If you run with bad people make sure of that.
When you are 30 working in hospitality no good will ever find you. With no parents giving you a curfew you are able to run with the younger, badder crowd. You almost in a way have to. No young adult in their right mind heading in the right direction will pay you no mind. What insight to their future can you give them. Be like me and you can end up serving again before you are even married. I guess in all senses of the word I was a loser. Working 3 jobs to make rent only to smoke and drink the rest away with other people heading nowhere in a one way fared train.
I started doing cocaine in my 30’s! Can you imagine? My teenage self would have been horrified. I remember the Sweet Valley High books where poor sweet lil Enid with the hole in her heart ripped a line and died on the spot. Trying to impress her boyfriend and his out of control friends. Now here I was staring at the white line and the goofy grin of my only friend. She didn’t force me to try it by any means. I was terrified my heart would stop but there was no denying her energy. My degenerate loser boyfriend just dumped me for the millionth time. He would dump me the last time when he found out I was having a torrid love affair with coke.
And as for that loser that pulled on my heart strings. He made his way back to me when he fried his brain on acid. The rumour mill says he has 4 kids with all different moms. What a far cry from the angry man he was when he dumped me for being loving to his first born. He even got this 16 year old pregnant that used to hang around with us. My life could have been that I just couldn’t be that way. I still had a hope that maybe I would have that family life. I never stopped believing in myself or the dream of what was possible if only I could stop being loyal to the wrong people. Did you ever recognize that you were being used for everything that you had? Drugs, money, alcohol. The final straw was the early attack on me with a screw driver. You never truly forget a friend who lunges at you in that way. I think I saw her once maybe twice after. Things were never the same. After everything I had done to be this person’s friend. She decided she wanted to end me for cooking her brother breakfast. I was forced into a position that I never like to be. Ratting on a friend to the police because I needed them to save me. When do you decide enough is enough? All I wanted was to live happy one day and maybe a family who needed me.
We live in a world where villains get rewarded for a all the wrong things. They walk among us, they prey beside us and they don’t really care who they take down in the fall. They themselves will never fall crumbled at our feet. They have long become accustomed to using the bones of all their potential victims. I find it impossible to know just who to believe. Our trust needs to fall into our hands and we need to always honour our inner voices. Stop putting so much value into those that don’t care whether you live or die. Sure in that one moment that they come to know about your passing they will act heartbroken for a day. Then they are off planning their next adventure, expenditure because somebody always has to get paid.
Why be loyal to these vultures in every possible way? Giving second, third, fourth chances like they are ever going to change just depletes from your own tank. Who do you know that you can count on to fill you up with love in all the possible ways. Some people are incapable. Others don’t know how. We get what we get when it comes to this life we have to stop forcing any other facts. Everything I do now I do it mostly for myself. The other part if for my son so he can grow up to be strong and independent too. We say we want our children to live better lives than we do? The currency that we are using however is all wrong and we are creating a generation that has no clue. Look how they can rally to defend somebody who has no moral comprehension of what being loyal actually looks like. A pedophile isn’t loyal to his race when he decides to hurt a small kid. We let them walk among us like they are ever going to change. What happened to the Subway guy anyways? He is a prime example of what media can do. We glorified a man and threw at him million of dollars. So he can cohere and torture families as he beams at them as they get their meal? We are a sick twisted breed with no plans of slowing down. The people we choose to glorify will be this Nation’s biggest take down.