I am thankful for auto pilot. Well maybe it is considered drive or stupidity that keeps pushing us out of bed. You know what I hate about growing older, the likelihood that somebody you know will end up dead. Seriously we moved to town and two weeks later the only friend here I had was dead. They tell me I was the last person to see him alive. That he grumbled about my banana bread. Wished it was fruit cake then walked me out in his bare feet in the snow. Two days later we got the call. My blueberry tea he gave me sat in his sink. What makes me mad is I was just complaining about how my husband wouldn’t eat my cooking. That all we did was eat out. He told me that if I had leftover to bring them over than he ate my banana bread and what. I know it was his time but what the hell man, Jesus Chr*st. Couldn’t give me a Christmas. Couldn’t come over for a visit. You have to haunt me in my day to day routine instead. People like to say the living is no longer with us when they go and I have to say just open your eyes and look around. The weirdness that happens on the day to day is just crazy. How can one be so sad about what isn’t when there are all the things that they were?
So today was a big day for me. I was heading out into the Universe as a Color Street Stylist so I was ready to conquer the world! This girl was getting the manicure of her dreams and I was pulling out all the stops so she could feel fine. Isn’t that what the experience of life should be? To help others achieve that peace inside of themselves to allow them to pray for another day. I am not going to lie this manicure turned into a 5 hour event. I gave her the full meal deal and I wasn’t going to stop there. I was in the zone forming and shaping these nails by hand, in hindsight I should have used a drill but the reason I didn’t is her nails were in rough shape. She had acrylics before and she ripped them off so there was soft spots and sore spots so I had to build them up. In saying so three popped off during the night which I also expected. Her poor little fingers had taking a beaten but I was going to do my best to ensure she looked her best for her first day of school. NO MATTER WHAT. Going back today to apply super bonder and dehydrator and give her some nail glue. In conversation she just found out her besties weren’t in her home room so I was not going to let her NOT be fabulous.
We all wake for a reason and today was like no other. Today though a friend committed suicide. He transitioned from this realm to the next with not even a wayward thought or a note to say goodbye. It could be because he could no longer deal with the passing of his best friend. Maybe it is from what the world has now become. There is beauty to be find in the simplicity that comes with daylight. Just most of us are to scared of who it is we have become.
I don’t want to have to beg anymore to be in the presence of people that no longer serve a higher purpose in my being. My husband likes to critisize me for staying at home too much but it is at home that I am finally really loved. I don’t have to pretend to be somebody I no longer care for. The whispers behind my back became too deafening. Do people really believe they can fool the masses or is it the masses we need to learn to fear? Good people are just good naturally. Feeding off the energy of their surroundings and nothing more.
Cinnamon. Oh sweet Cinnamon I have grown to love your bite. Her bite the most intense it feels the more I know the life in her coming alive. Yesterday the dark crimson of my blood stained my pink towel and I loved it. My husband says to be careful she could be rabid and I am just thinking if she has something I want it too. She is family now. She is my heart and she is my symbol for life. It is like in each stroke of the comb on her backside it loosens some of her filth. She squeeks at me to know that it is irritating so I give her a scratch in between the ears. The feeling that overwhelms me when I can feel the extent of her neglect. The little wiggle of her nose tells me though we are bonded here forever and that means everything in this world to me. I try not to let anger over take me when I think of what her previous owners lack of empathy really means. This means to fear the Jones’s nothing everything is as it appears.
I think that is what I love most about my public use of cannabis. Everybody has an opinion. Sometimes it is for your or against you or something entirely else. What lurks int he shadows is terrifying that is why I leave the dark and enter my dreams. What the uptight neighbour besides us just shows the extent of another’s twisted own mind. We all knows somebody who smokes cannabis then plays like they don’t when it comes to social media. What a scam!! I only come out on April 20, every single g*d damn year! What the ever living f*ck is wrong with you? Stop throwing stones and blowing bubbles and have yourself a nice day.