Does this word vomit ever stop if you start getting into it? What started out as a journey to make the world a better place for my son has now turned into a life long crusade. Keep doing onto others as you would have done onto you but do onto others lavishly, do as often as possible and repeat. Am I right? It isn’t a reflection of the people being an asshole if you retaliate and look like an ass back. You look just as crazy and just as mean and then it is a notch against your heart making it black. I did my time marinading in bad decisions and I am exhausted and fortunate that I am alive at all.
To each their own why can’t we all be nice it is something that no matter how hard I try I understand. The closest I have come to being able to understand this feeling is by taking a good look at my pets. I also consider what I want most or what feels good and it usually just boils down to simple compassion or somebody to waste away the days. Who needs words when you can use a warm loving embrace. That is how far the wrong way we have all have become. Tit for tat we all want to get even. It is what keeps us awake at night.
I could follow the wrong person into oblivion or I can finally give in and trust myself. Shed away my own securities and live for Mother Earth. Doing the right thing shouldn’t come at a huge moral cost or disposition yet we have made it that way. The embarrassment that comes from standing up for ourselves leaves too much at stake so we do nothing and feel jaded and then we walk away. Keeping ourselves guarded does put us at risk but so does feeling wasted in an old school of fish.
I wish I gave a rat’s ass more but truth be told the reason I don’t is because I have felt the pain from somebody else’s filth. Like a hot burning rash that no ointment can soothe I rather sit alone than sit around tending to my open wounds. I know who I am and what I stand for and what gives me drive sometimes we just need the reminder. Like a kick in the arse or an eventual turn of the check you won’t get me twice, you won’t even get a chance to speak.
The reality is that some ego’s just take up WAY too much space and I am comforted in knowing that there is time and they WILL fall from grace. That is the hope isn’t it? That those who are in charge of doing the evil doings will get theirs in the end, won’t they? Does sin get rewarded in this day and time or can kindness win over and truly save the day? Across the street I see white people and their white privilege is sickening dominating those from the shadows till they get their twisted way. There are those who want to be courteous and kind and then there are those like my neighbour who want to rule the world from across the street and wish that the rest of the world would meet their own demise.
Maybe it is the rednecks of the world that makes this a terrible place. The insults that she was spewing indicated that she has no problems letting her white privilege shine through. My olive skin and dark roots made it easy for you to spew your hate. Acting like your forefathers gave you this land and didn’t steal it teaching your children to behave and act out the same.
My whole life I wanted to believe that there was some sort of good in this world until I came across a being like you. You make me question what it means to be human and if we will ever see an end to race and hate in this world. When a neighbour can demoralize another mother for just making a basic human mistake I am scared for the future of tomorrow and what other type of human decency this world is determined to take.
To my neighbour across the street who felt validated in her self righteous existence reigning her privilege down on me didn’t give me a second thought as she puffed out her chest and walked away. She wanted to make me feel some sort of way to make up for the blackness of her heart, at least that is what it felt like. Telling me I am crazy and to stop dying my hair I wonder who made her Queen of the block.
Now this game of life I think it is no longer for me and I am beyond tired of all the way people in power want us to conform to their thinking and want to rush us to deaths door. I don’t trust people now Karen, and I have you to thank for that. In a world full of nobody’s who mean nothing I think I prefer being alone in the darkness. The slap that I received for being a whistle blower has knocked me back into next year. I don’t want to speak anymore to have it twisted. I will just shut up and live this life like the Karen’s of the world intended. I am tired of having hope that goodness will shine through.