Death was coming and it wasn’t going to be easy. The energy changed in the room the closer he got to my Sweet Cinnamon and it took everything in side of me not want to meet him instead.
The anger that was swelling inside of me as I took the towel away and looked at her poor little sweet feet. Too burned and weak from years of neglect and malnutrition her poor little body was too weak to even know how to begin to fight back. I saw the hope in her eyes the first few days but as she began to heal and get nutrition her organs began to shut down.
The stroke or heart attack is what took her back legs. All I could see was her dragging her back end around trying to see the new world that she was so hopeful to explore. The anger that seethes inside of me is begging for revenge. That teenage girl that thought boys were more important as her Sweet Chin sat in her own filth. Her burned little back legs weren’t even strong enough for her to jump or even run and my heart broke every time she tried to move around her cage.
I would have thought that in her final week of her life that her old family least concern was how much money can we make off of our poor girl’s corpse. When we called to let them know the extent of her suffering they just got mad at us and told us it was our fault. In what reality do I beg to bit again by a Chinchilla? The same world that thought it was ok to torture her and watch her die.
My husband tells me that I only knew her a week and a bit and that I have no right to cry. My tears are for the lack of human compassion and how her little life meant nothing to nobody at all. When given the chance to have a full belly and a friend her body decided we can not live through the shock of being neglected again.
I don’t want to talk to anybody anymore. I know what everybody will say. I held her in my arms twice a day begging this sweet gal to stay alive. In the end as I gave her the morphine to ease away her pain. I held her like a baby and stroked her forehead and rocked her so gently. I couldn’t believe that humans were capable of this. My chest hurts from the lack of oxygen I am able to get in. This was murder in ever sense of the word. I want to scream when I think of her sitting there in the corner of the bedroom just begging the Universe to let her die.
Death. I heard you coming before you even took her away from me. My birds went wild and got loud and I watched them all begin to attack each other. Pippin my other Chin came to watch what was going on. I left the room when I heard her wheezing. Her gasps for air were becoming way too much for me to ever be ok with. I watched her little teeth and tongue and she took her last breaths. I held onto for an eternity until my husband finally came and took her away.
I used to think that this world was capable of something good until yesterday. Now I am unsure and I don’t even know. I move in auto pilot because I have no other setting. If I stop and let my thoughts consume me it is anger that gets me most terrified. I live in a country where people are allowed to do as they please which means they can torture and inhumanely posses these small creatures. They can refuse to give them the necessities of life and refuse to clean their cage. Words are so hollow when I have the ravaged body as living proof of all that was done. Don’t people believe in autopsies anymore? It’s not rocket science that has left a Chin matted in her own filth over half of her body. Not even a phone call to ask if she was ok not even an inquiry. I see bad people and they are hidden among you and me. What can I say about a whole generation of human beings that think the best way to excuse the way of thousands of thousands of abused Indigenous Children is to make another holiday. Of course this is the same mental brain who would abuse an animal whose weight is in grams and not even in pounds.
Those who allow the life of anybody to be reduced in this way should be feared. They show us what the mind of capable of and how it is they come to regard life. I wish I could think like the masses because it would make all of this so much easier. If I valued life as being nothing maybe tonight I can finally sleep again. I will never forget the hope I had of meeting that sweet little Girl. I hate that she had both back feet in the grave before you decided to give her away? What I want to do is scream in your face and ask you WHY? If you hated her so much why couldn’t I have her earlier? Why did you keep her only to profit off her death and make it so her life was somebody else’s problem!!! You didn’t even give her a treat in the 8 years of her life. Lord please help me now with forgiveness because this anger is making me so blind. I want to reject everything it means to be human because I can never think that way. As much as I wanted to run as she was dying I had to stay. Death came around me twice this past week now I am wondering now is it my time to pay?