I fight for my oxygen much like I fight for my sanity every damn day. I feel rabid sometimes where I find myself. Do people really believe that they are loyal to their friends and family. Has their distorted self image and view on the world really contorted them to believe that they are a true friend?
What I see is nothing compared to how I feel as I gasp for air every time I rise fighting for a purpose in this world. I have one. I am focused but every once in awhile a diseased obsession likes to get through. Compromising my self worth and threatening my self control. Look down at them as you should. Those who throw stones should have them ricochet and hit them in between the eyes. Nobody is better than anybody else during this time no matter your bank balance or the size of your flat.
We live in this world where we are obsessed with shade and even pollute our surrounding to ensure that the sun can never come out and shine. We brag when a flower is strong enough to grow through concrete exclaiming look at that perseverance and drive to fight for everyday to come alive. Life shouldn’t be that hard and we shouldn’t live in fear. I live in a land where we have to fear those that we PAY to protect because they will always do what serves them first then look to their millions of minions like they are nothing but wayward trash. I live in a world where our government and ancestors all participated in the biggest act of cultural genocide and we all turn our heads and fit with each other about the validity of a vaccine that was made for man to profit more. We minimize the loss of the children that were never able to come home and allow their executioners to go on to live prosperous lives. This is the world that I greet every time I open my eyes and the monkey that sit on my chest is with me until I finally go back to sleep.
I seek fake people and they are EVERYWHERE. I never thought I would live in a world where money drives EVERYTHING and if you don’t have enough of those green bucks then who the hell are you kick your own damn self to the curb. When did we become so heartless that all we cared to do was step on each other’s toes. If this is the land we are living in I think I just can’t wait to go back. Maybe that is why I gravitate towards my fur friends than the ones baring skin. I don’t care about who stole whose man and who is banging who. What about common decency and compassion or is it always a monkey see so I want to watch the monkey do.
I am not vain but honest and real. I don’t want to waste time anymore with those that consider themselves wasting time with me. To be always on the back burner that never gets turned on I think I would rather eat raw. I feel raw from all the dis and shame that has been thrown my way but that is because I have always worn my heart on my sleeve. When given the chance to run away or love again I am the type that hopes that love will always win. Do the right things. Be kind. Do onto others as you would do onto you and don’t be scared to stand up for yourself when you think that something that is happening may not be just right. It is alright to speak your mind and move on. A thought is there for a reason so you are allowed to birth that idea without fear of ridicule. True friends understand somewhat the circumstances you find yourself in. They would never stray or abandon you waiting for the demons to take you. There was a time when I thought I had thousands of friends. Then I asked a question to validate another’s ethnicity because during these times it has become an absolutely essential necessity. What happened next was pitchforks and fires. Not any kind of fires but dumpsters all around me where igniting and threatening to explode. I got banned from on-line pageants and basically outed from being a Pin-Up. I watched real friends that I had hung out with comment on each other’s posts saying “she’s not Pin-up. Her attitude is disgusting.” My attitude is not an attitude more than it is an emotion. I was always told that if something doesn’t feel right say it, isn’t that what all the true crime documentaries tell us. That little voice inside of us telling us to speak up it will be ok is our guidance from the heavens to keep the bad girls away. Trust me when they started dropping like flies and showing their narcissistic ways I slid into the shadows and awaited better days.
I am a person. Just another living being who was born at the same time as billions of other life forms struggling to find our purpose in this life and hoping being hope that I mind find myself worthy of finding a loyal friend. There are friends and then there are ride and dies. What I wouldn’t give to have somebody I can share my secrets with. My heart literally beats right out of my chest. My animals are my salvation and they are my saving grace. They remind me how it feels to be loved and adored. Watch the way they look up at you and wait for you to sit down. They are the first to want to sit beside you and get a hug or too or even maybe a pet. They don’t care if you are still in your pajamas or if you forgot to wash your face. All they want is you in that moment and that is a feeling you will never be able to forget or erase.