Mourning is not remembering even though we say “Lest We Forget”. Mourning means we show up to the same head space every day and wonder why it is that these events had to happen this way. Did some government official piss off another government official and all they wanted was revenge? Or was the only motive in these flashes of terrors is to remind us that we are only human and as human we can be reduced to nothing just the same.

I saw a meme that say what separates us from animals is our ability to mourn people we have never met. I think there is a fine line between actual mourning and trying to get sympathy for a tragedy that doesn’t directly affect us. Animals mourn. Maybe not for a carcass they have just stumbled across but when it comes to them sharing a life with a friend they will mourn for their loss, some until the day that they do. We see loyalty in dogs as nothing changes as their master moves on to the grave. The dogs in question will lay for the rest of their lives by their graveside and there are some humans that will never be visited ever gain. Tell me how that makes us a species with greater capacity for compassion than the other species of animals that we share this time and space with. I can tell you animals mourn and we are just egotistical. Crying only to get some sort of twisted acknowledgement in the hopes that we can profit somehow over their loss.

We only remember so we can throw a pity party and it gives an excuse not to live up to our full potential. Oh I can’t try too hard today because since the beginning of time men of been cruel to each other and truth be told I can’t handle it anymore. When given the chance to be nice most decided to do what would result in the biggest profit. We want life to be easy unless we have to put in any work than we prefer to do nothing at all. It is easiest and preferred to whine your whole life than to dig your heels in deeper and just see how far you can go.   What I do doesn’t make sense to anybody yet I never let anybody derail me. If you don’t understand, great! It’s a lot easier getting to where I need to go without too much baggage to carry around anyways. Who has the energy these days to keep repeating your heart desires when they are so readily on display? Mine are. Mine always have been. It always surprises me and catches me off guard when others are surprised with my attitude. I just call it out as I see it and never hesitate with the words that slip out of my mouth. There is no shame in my game. I am fully aware of who I am and how I got here and who it is I still wish I could grow into being. Life has dealt me a tough hand but I still hang in there waiting because I know that my worst hand on any given day is another person’s best hand and I owe it to that being to keep my place in the ring and stand up and fight.

Today is supposed to be a day of remembrance but I ask you isn’t there more to other people’s lives too that we should sit back and reflect on? Nobody deserves to die in such a tragic, yet unexpected way but don’t events like this happen all the time? I am not trying to minimize that day or the passing of thousands of innocent people or the survivors that still hold on to the memory of their family member like they might still come home some day. We are built strong but at the same time so fragile. We are made to withstand a lot than the same load of crap will forever take our breaths away. Does it make sense? No? Will we ever be able to understand? Probably not. The straw that broke the camels back made it so we would never gain find our way out of the desert. That’s who we allowed ourselves to become. Former shells of who it was we were destined to be before life took over and took it all away.

Don’t we all mourn in some capacity for a life that is no longer with us and one that we have long failed to understand? I know I feel that pain of space of where another being should have been. The corrupt way in which our lives were handled in order to shape the world that we have come to know and are content in never coming to understand. I want to remember what it feels like to be loved exclusively and never have to worry again if I will ever have to let go. I am tired of trying to be noticed but also scared of fading into the background destined to forever be ignored. I can’t help but have all these feelings course through me like wildfire threatening to destroy me with every wayward gust of wind that may blow by.

I am not worried or scared as events that are out of my control begin to unfold. I see them for the ironic display of contention that they really truly make themselves out to be. Life is meant to take the wind out of your sails every once in awhile so you can appreciate the journey. If it was always going to be smooth sailing till you hit the shore than we would all sail around the world to see what is in store.  It’s interesting to note that when you find yourself in international waters there is no laws or governments to impose their rules and mislead and sway you.  The problem when you find yourself to be left out all alone it does make  you vulnerable to predators and other like minded beasts that come alive at night. We feel only as safe as our mind will allow us to conceive. Some feel safe all alone with nobody left to guide them and others feel discombobulated and out of sorts. It leads to the question if nobody is around to validate your existence does that mean that your life had failed to exist at all? To some maybe yes. To others maybe no. That is why we are able to feel something for those that we have never met because we come alive in our similarities that haunt us long after we put our feet in the grave.