I like to think of my best friends in high school. I didn’t really have that many to be honest. I preferred the company of my older boyfriend as he would take me away from it all. There were those friends who knew everything about me and would use those secrets against me as collateral to win over a new group of friends. Always on the back burner until pay day. That was the only time they would come around those days anyways.

There is no feeling like having a friend return a gift in order to buy beer and cigarettes to impress another group. I still think of it as betrayal and I cringe just think of her name. It makes me think back and wonder why she even talked to me that day. I saw a girl on the sidelines and all I did was encourage her to play. Not wanting to see her sitting all alone I decided to try and become her friend. What they don’t warn you about when you are little is that evil always has to find a way in.

Until that day I could care less about boys. I was fine with playing baseball and girl guides. I was fine as having my Dad as my best friend. What I didn’t see coming was how quickly my own mind could change. When you listen to others make fun of you laughing at you until you finally give in and get a boyfriend. You listen to their taunts and insults calling you frigid and insecure. I never wanted to be involved in that life but all I wanted was to fit in. I got laughed at for being a farm girl then I got laughed at because I never been kissed. If only I was as strong as I am now I wouldn’t have let their laughter win.

I tell EVERYTHING that has happened to me in the hopes to reach another little girl. You don’t have to do what others are doing. It is ok if you go to school and don’t make a friend. It is ok if you are too embarrassed because you gave into ridicule. It is ok if the same girls you went to kindergarten with now regard you as a slut. It’s ok to be honest with your story because maybe in this time the bad people won’t win. Maybe they don’t even show up for the game because you are stronger than I have ever been. It is ok to stumble a million times before falling. Even in falling you can pick yourself up. I am telling you it is ok to lose all the wind from your sails because one day without knowing the gentle wind gales will start up again. For everything that I have ever been it is only now that I recognize me true self. I am not scared anymore of those who don’t like me. I never liked lurking in the shadows anyways.

I love life. Do you love life? The real, honest and pure. There are billions of people out there so how is it that so many of them are complete *ssholes!! I don’t need to see your d*ck to know that sex feels good. Sex would feel good with almost anybody I would suppose. Take my husband’s friend for example. The proverbial man whore. I am sure he has stocks on Tinder but the verdict is out on that. Last year he used to come over bragging about the girls he would bang. Tell us about the wham, bam, thank you ma’ams all the nasty details. Last week was the same saying he was hunting for cougars. The difference in a day is this time he refused to show her. I felt sorry for the gal even though she obviously knew the game. Imagine being the ridicule of a joke of the guy you were banging who says sh*t like it is better than masturbating. Is it though? My husband claims that is the way that Tinder is now. That you can’t just go for a meet up without pulling down your pants. Uhmmm what the hell. I remember those days very well. Swipe right, go on a date, wish I had swiped left, get dropped off at home, make up an excuse then get called every name in the book for not putting out. Sound familiar. I will not get bullied into have terrible sex with a stranger. There needs to be an IQ test on these things because all we have done is made it easier to be a douche bag. I am obviously not on Tinder but that is how I met my husband. Strange isn’t it? I found the one guy who wouldn’t put out on Tinder and married him. Go figure lol

I love life do you love life? The potential that exudes from something so fresh that hasn’t been tainted from the outside world is left to be unseen. I can’t find a reason to want to buy into this pyramid scheme called life yet so many millions can’t wait to sink their teeth into this pretentious pie. We live in a World where those in power just scorn and mock us like we make no difference to them in their world if we are living or dead. Those who put their lives on the line pay the ultimate price. They become a lamb to slaughter. They are the ultimate sacrifice. The irony is lost when we scorn those who sacrificed humans at their altars in order to bring peace to their land. We do the same thing everyday in the form of tanks, missiles and A bombs. Even if you live to tell the tale coming home from war makes it so you want to die. What some are made to endure at the hands of freedom should never have to pay that ultimate price. Where we went wrong as humans is we put a price on salvation than taxed everybody per head. We made it impossible for the Jonese’s we made it almost inevitable for the masses to stop breaking bread. We are sheep preparing for slaughter and it is worse than most of us think. We lost the intrinsic value to life for us all.. I wonder how far as humans we can all eventually sink.