The Bitter End

Do you spend the days working on a version of yourself that you want to remember or are you working tirelessly trying to forget? Being around those that just get you and want to be a part of your shine is a far cry from those that are just around trying to grind you into the dirt. The same hamster wheel keeps spinning and you can see that those inside are constantly changing. Nobody is authentically real anymore as they try to convince you that they can be trusted and heaven forbid their wanton ways and disregard are determined to affect you even some more. Trust me. Bad people are bad. I prefer to allow them to expose themselves in their infidelity towards humanity than allow them to reduce me to their level a little bit more.

My truth is last week I held two animals in my arms until they took their last breaths. The haunting images that come to my mind as I go on with my day to day just rock me to my core. I am not the same. I am forever changed. I held my Sweet Lucille in m arms as death came for her. I held her as she run up my arms trying to get away. The crackle in her breath in my ear I will never forget. The vet looking at me telling me she was gone. She is not gone she is right here in my arms. Please don’t take her from me. She will always be my little girl.

That wasn’t the worst part of my week. What got her in the end was cancer. I still can’t believe the amount of feces that was forcing it’s way into every crevice. I can’t believe she is gone. In a world that is constantly trying to knock me down she definitely played her cards right this time. Cancer I can’t change. I can’t do anything about that. Sure it hurts but what hurts more is holding another animal that was just neglected at and tortured. The idea that I was too late to save Cinnamon that poor sweet Chinchilla. The idea that another human being could allow her to sit in urine and burn her legs to the point where she can’t even walk just makes me scream. Every person I see now I stare into there eyes trying to determine the blackness of their soul. What I experienced was your average Canadian family disposing of an animal too crippled to live and far beyond saving. They wanted to profit off of her pain. When I think about that family I bubble over with rage. Well first I cry then I scream. I don’t want to live in a world where everybody else becomes collateral damage. The idea that this teenage girl is running off going to movies and making out with boys while I held her pet in my arms listening to her last breaths…I hate people.

I am lost, scared and confused but I try to remain open. Just yesterday I thought maybe I was making a new friend till she flipped the scripts. Maybe Direct Marketing isn’t for me. Well in essence I don’t shove my products down other people’s throats because I believe in what I am using. If I say something works and is worth a try it is because I fully believe it. I am an International Beauty Specialist with Industry experience. I don’t give a damn if you prefer your counter girl at The Bay. This is my life, my skin, my beauty, my experience and I am very content in my role as such. So because of my role in social media I do get a fair bit of responses. My one hope is still that I will find my ride and die in Limelife and we will retire into the sunset together. I mean 50% of high quality skin care…skin me up right meow!!! What Limelife doesn’t have in their line-up I am determined to come up with on my own. Just yesterday I washed my hair (shampoo, conditioner and leave-in treatment) with ALL NATURAL ingredients and of course CBD. I promise there is a point. So yesterday a girl appears in my DM’s and I am always hopeful of the possibilities. Leave it to my shy girl heart to always hope for the best. Of course I was wondering what she was hoping to get out of our talk. Was she into Limelife was it Color Street? Maybe it should have been the compliments that triggered my suspicions; truth be told though I am also one to compliment as I truly do believe that we are all worthy of feeling our best.

What ended up happening is she asked for a picture to see my hair. This request I never indulge in because I have thousands of posts on Instagram that show off my hair. At this request I started thinking maybe she wasn’t who she appeared to be. The next picture to come in was her buck *ss naked bent over. What a strange turn of events. She asked if she stepped over a line and I immediately blocked her. What now is in my mind is every worse case scenario. Was this a case of human trafficking? Was this actually the girl in the pictures? My Instagram profile isn’t about sex or hooking up it is about establishing a real life long connection. I want to share my stories with others and have them share with me. I could care less about getting off to be honest. There is so much more to my world than that. What started as a conversation that was filled with so much potential and hope ended up being another dirty slide in my DM’s which just kind of reinforces my lack of faith in mankind. Can human beings be friends anymore or is it always a wam bam thank you ma’am until the bitter end.

One Comment Add yours

  1. mickmar21 says:

    The cycle of life is always painful at times which is why it is always beneficial to remember the good times along with the bad. Sadly humans tend to dwell on negative things rather than positive things at times.
    The loss of a pet is always difficult, as they give loyalty, love, and companionship without strings attached.
    Sometimes ending their suffering is the kindest thing to do rather than force them to live in pain. Regardless it is always a hard thing to do.
    I recall with fondness the highs and lows of some of the pets I have had over the course of my life and for the joy they gave along with the dumb crap they did. It is when they are gone too quickly that it bites the deepest.


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