What is always intriguing to me is our ability to grieve. Our propensity to hang that dark cloud over us so we have a reason to live mediocrity and never realize our true potential is incredulous to me. I used to grieve like my heart had stopped beating but now I realize the error in my ways.

My Grandmother had made it into her late 70’s before cancer came knocking on her door. The oddity of it all is her sister had passed at the tender age of 16. I have the picture to prove it. During that time when my Grandmother was a little girl it was a common occurrence in my bloodline to capture the funeral. Not just any part of the funeral but I mean the pictures of my Great Grandmother pulling at her daughter as they carried her to the graveyard and dropped her in the ground. You don’t forget energy like that. You don’t forget the severance of a family bond has those that live on have to find the strength to carry on. Grief is only for the living, of course it is. It is another way to keep us weak and separated from the great divide.

I am not hard or cruel. I am real. Sure it is easy for me to say to get over your loss there have been few and far in between that have truly meant something to me. My parents are here, my siblings too. There are one or two that came as a surprise but when it has come to death he has only been coming at the most appropriate of times. Sure some times it was sudden but you can’t deny facts. If cancer has riddled your body there is no ability that you will be coming. Short of a miracle but I will believe those when I see them with my own eyes.

My friends that have passed I think about daily in the most respective and loving of ways. I don’t banish and scream like a banshee begging the heavens to know why. I know the call that was made had nothing to do with me or you or even the family you left behind on Earth. In that one second when your heart stopped beating the divinity opened and whisked you away. Am I allowed to be mad for not being able to say our last goodbyes I guess that would depend on how it was that we last came to be. When I love a friend a love them for eternity it doesn’t matter if it is their body or energy that has chosen to hang around me and stay. To get angry at their departure will drive them away so I only tend to think of them with a dry eye and even kinder heart. I am still human after all if I tear starts to fall I try to smile to make up for the loss of energy in the room. Guard your opening to the heavens with grace. That portal to the afterwards resides deep inside of us and where we go after it all is entirely up to us.

Am I annoying or maybe just real it all really depends on your ability to feel. Are you able to recall memories of lore or in great moments of challenge you forget what you are fighting for? The day slips away from me at times so I try my best to get it all to fit. Sometimes I take a minute or two before I remember all the in’s and the outs but today I got another kick of the groin like a foreshadowing of what was to come. My 7 budgies reduced down to 6. It was only a matter of time as I had rescued them on the internet. Back then it was 5. Then went down to four then Daisy and then the twins kept bumping up the score. Today the bird I had hoped would hatch a lil chick was found dead at the bottom of her cage so I shed a little tear. When I got them the girl warned me that they didn’t do anything they didn’t even sing. I remember her like it was yesterday when she came out of her dark shadow and stepped into the light. Her favourite perch was the one in front of the mirror and she would sing and coo and give herself the eyes. She left behind- her beast. Now I wonder her demise.

Death has found comfort here in my home. I think it is because I learned to not fear it is just something that is natural that we will all one day go through. As I stared into the eyes of the other birds that were still alive I told them I was sorry and together we did cry. I meticulously cleaned all their cages and gave them all the once over. It was in that moment in looking I knew that the original 3 were very up there in years. When I got them two years ago there was a set that was 5 and one that was 3 then the others that just were younger and didn’t survive the close quarters with the others that coupled off.

To ward off the negative energy that is hanging over my household like a dark cloud I will begin to cleanse my surroundings in the following of ways: mostly I will burn some lavender and push the smoke through the air with a selenite stick. Selenite is important as it accesses the third chakra I can use it to ward out the negative energy allowing space for good energy to flow. You attract what you seek and in grief we become preoccupied. We focus on the worst part of our existence and fail to see the whole. One day we will get to where they have gotten we just need to learn to clear the air.