Will to Stay

The lifeline of your life is designed to test you and it will do anything in it’s power to test your own self faith. Take death for example. It is so painful for the living and all that we can do is imagine what it could possibly be for the dead. We want to believe that they went somewhere good or maybe it is bad that answer in itself has so many variables to it seems. If you were a good person you could never wish anything bad upon even the evilest of men but a bad person could instill his wrath on every living being. The only salvation comes for the departed because they are the ones that know what happens at deaths door.

I died yet I am here and at times I feel like what I am experiencing here could only come alive if I have died. I try to remember the exact ins and outs of that moment but to be honest all I truly remember is the peace and the light. That peace and that light sometimes can rob me of myself because I get overwhelmed in the mystery of it all. Think about purpose. They want us to believe that we need to go to school and get a degree that will end up costing us hundreds and thousands of dollars just to do. The income that we will receive after it is all said is done is just a fraction of what we owe and to make it all that more disgusting we are charged interest and penalized some more. That is how most youth get to start their adult life. No thank you. Sign me up for the hope and promise that social medial can bring and if that ceases to make anything than there is Only Fans and YouTube. Where is the hope in that? It is like winning the lottery. Nobody is authentic in this situation and it is enough to make any grown person insane.

I am insane, crazy, bat sh*t looney toonz. Man made me this. Well no, more like boys but that is because Hollywood made me believe that this was the only thing in life worth living for. If I wasn’t getting bent over one knee and being spanked than I better work hard for my money and it comes in all those nasty ways that go bump in the night. I had a degree. I did all the right things. I left home. Got the career. Got promoted and I still got kicked in the can. No matter what path you chose to take there is always the chance that some egotistical *sshat will get in the way. I have heard it all. It is because of the way that you dress that you deserve to get raped, to you are way to fat to get taken advantage of. NO JOKE a counsellor said that to me. NO THANKS. Once again more damage to an already irrational mind now I have to justify over and over again why I am sick of this life.

I am not sick of MY life just sick of THIS sh*t. The one where we are all created equal but only some of us are privy enough to pay our bills. Some don’t even get the opportunity to work or earn cash. They were taught at a end age that they were born to live in the gutters and they will only ever get to eat another’s trash. I want to succeed in life just to prove to others that we can. That if we wake up with the right mentality day after day then of course we would, why wouldn’t we? Let’s awaken up that child like spirit that didn’t care if she heard no. Just move along to the next kindred spirit maybe this one will connect with your soul. Now I am going to tell you why it is important to never let go. Both to those that have departed and that little girl deep inside. If all we are is energy embodying this piece of mass what is stopping from our souls from not recognizing when the others have shed their skin. If you harbour all these negative emotions and banish them from your heart how can they give you their blessings and promises of never being apart. If you don’t welcome the warmth of their soul into you then of course you will feel forsaken and angry and all those things that people in grief normally do.

I wish I had more of the answers but if we had those we wouldn’t want to live our lives or partake in any risks. Or if we knew what was truly waiting for us then what would be our excuse to want to live? If there is something truly great waiting for us on the other side don’t you think that what we are doing here will for sure reflect over onto there? There has to be a purpose a reason that can only be seen once we are finally knocking on that door so why be an *sshole here and now and make it incredibly impossible for others to live and breathe. When I begin to attract the light of the entities that once was and that I hope to find once more blessings happen. Small ones. Ones that only a heart that is truly open can finally feel and understand. When you see those blessings arise in a seemingly impossible day you get inspired. You get all the feels and you finally begin to feel good. All the hard work and determination starts paying off in small ways and you know that it is the love that you have found in others that is the drive in everything behind. Without their purpose and their will and their insight into every day I don’t think I could find a purpose or even a will to stay.

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