Stay Calm

I have grown used to being violated. I know what it feels like to be beat and used and left for dead as your on lookers look over and deem you the slut. I don’t know who hurt you Karen but taking your anger and hate out onto me was not the validation I needed for Cinnamon’s existence. I know now what I do wrong and it is having faith in humanity. As you spit your discontent at my way coming down on me for a technicality all my hopes for the human race.

She didn’t die in the week I had her because of what I had done. All I wanted was to show her some basic human kindness in the end. That we as humans don’t try to do. When we try to extend ourselves to care for another we get our hands ripped off and left out for prey. Basic human decency isn’t a necessity anymore as we would rather try and hold those in closest proximity responsible and make it so they conform.

A life without animals will be my demise. They comforted me when nobody else would dare. In the middle of the night when all others thought I was worthless it was my cat that would cuddle up with me and keep me warm all through the night. The idea that all I wanted was to try and make her existence mean something. That her life meant something more than staring outside of her urine soaked cage begging for salvation that never came. Well we did come but we were far to late and now I am being told that I should have? Well I have no idea what it is she is trying to say. The hand off is that sure I guess she should have been immediately turned over to the SPCA but in hindsight I was in shock. I was shook to the core that human beings could do something this terrible to something this small. This isn’t days of abuse this is year’s upon year’s of neglect and abuse. It is horrifying to me that her decision was made to make an example out of me. What does that mean? An example how? That when met with the decision to rescue a neglected animal from online you should immediately turn them over to animal control and then what? What happens if we were to knock on Cinnamon’s previous owners door and said this animal is knocking on death’s door can we have our money back? After getting our money and leaving her to a lifetime of damnation then do we get to make the car without fear of retaliation that we are the ones that are going to receive a lifetime ban?

What I had hoped for her was a life that she could have been proud of. I saw her little hands on the bars as she peered into the next cage hopeful of the life that she could have had. I cry for her little existence because I wanted her pain to have been for something. Frozen in terror as I realized now what I have done by trying to call for help. Instead of validating her existence I know had to fight for the family members that were still in my care. I wanted to lose my mind and scream from the highest mountain because nobody on Earth would ever hear my pain. Cinnamon existed for a moment and never got the chance to have known the life she should’ve lived. Staring at this being telling me that I am the monster I just want to pull at her hair and rip off her face but I do nothing. I can’t. The justice I wanted for my Sweet little girl was now becoming a fight for the lives of the animal in my care. There is no justice in this turn of events as she spits out her murderous venom coming down on me with her villainous rage. This is not the way it was supposed to happen now it is too late to turn and run away.

Life has been designed to be extremely painful and when given the chance to exercise human decency we get sick satisfaction of watching others break under our control. So justice for sweet Cinnamon looks like a twisted tale of perverted control as each one of my pets was being scrutinized under her watchful eye. She was made fully aware of my anxiety and my turmoil as I was trying to explain to her why I was being over come with terror. I looked into her black soul less eyes as she told me that I was the murderer of this animal and she would make an example out of me just you wait and see. That people like me who play God with these animals deserve to be put out on public display. I will let the community know what you have done to her. People like you have no place here on Earth. People like me? How do you stop the rage from coming out of you when she has the story coming out all wrong. Did she forget that I was the one who made the call? What did the vet say to you and why aren’t they being held accountable too? Sure I signed a letter but they didn’t tell me the importance of what that meant. They did not tell me that she was coming home to die within the week. They made me believe that she would recover in good health. Now I called because of the animals under THEIR care but you decided to turn the blame entirely on me. My animals are all on vet diets and see the vet regularly. I don’t torture an animal by preventing them access from the basic necessities of life but now here we are throwing stones. You want to make it so I can never have a pet again and it is taking everything inside of me just to stay calm. Now this game of life I think it is no longer for me and I am beyond tired of all the way people in power want us to conform to their thinking and want to rush us to deaths door. I don’t trust people now Karen, and I have you to thank for that. In a world full of nobody’s who mean nothing I think I prefer being alone in the darkness. The slap that I received for being a whistle blower has knocked me back into next year. I don’t want to speak anymore to have it twisted. I will just shut up and live this life like the Karen’s of the world intended. I am tired of having hope that goodness will shine through.

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