Where we get caught up is we let somebody else narrate our story and dictate our happy ending. We hold on too tight to those that we should have let go of and let them hang on for the long drag over your social media feed. You know the ones that I am talking about. The ones you have had some sort of moment with over the long course of your life and you want to hang onto the idea that inside them somewhere is something similar to a good deed. I always knew to be weary of the company people keep. There is no reality where you can be hated by somebody and get on with one of there friends. People are cowards when it comes to their own feelings and I couldn’t help but laugh when my husband tried to say that everybody in this world hates you, reminds me of the time he told me to blow out my own brains. There needs to be a correction in my story almost immediately. Have it be known that I may be kind and nice but I am also guarded and to those who don’t like me. Perfect! C’est la vie. My own husband thinks I am the spawn of the devil so what exactly can I do feel at peace.
I also felt lost here on the scene here in Alberta. When it boiled down to it being cool and calculated just wasn’t for me. My ride or die’s would certainly be just that way and if they couldn’t be then I would just walk away. You don’t forget being a round a group of girls who laughs at you for being or tries to pick away at your mental health. This is not the DNA of who a women should be. I look to my Grandmother and Mother for an example of who to be. The idea that I need to be liked by the whole world is just exhausting to me as I am struggling to fall back in love with myself. It isn’t about the dirt, the toys, the way we become engaged it is the way we are soft and provide the biggest warmest hugs. This world has come to be a place of misery and you can see it in the way we chose to engage. Nobody wants to talk to be civil but to speak to have your words cut and hurt. To my knowledge women don’t act like this my Grandmother always told me to be kind to others and to treat each individual with mutual respect. Respect seemed to grow with the modern day woman, oh wait that is your ignorance of how to act cordially. Of course our children don’t want to identify as a man or a woman because what we have shown each other just how disgusting it is we have all become.
Everybody hates me. Oh you are far to kind. I think you give them to much credit that I would actually see value in taking up their time. Ignorance is ignorance and they all band together feeding and feasting on their own setting up their children to fail and even worse take up even more of a mean space. It’s obvious to all the on lookers who the real bully in this picture is to be. Your ogre like attitude as I caught you nosing around my yard, doing what? Huffing and puffing because you are out of breath to concerned with what I am doing to even begin to have enough thoughts to act like a lady? Is that what a lady does trying to destroy another of her kind? Without even knowing her struggling just muttering under your breath like you have something to say but to scared to turn around and say it to my face. When it comes to bullies like you, like my husband I will always rise to the challenge. I am not a victim here. I won’t allow you to make me out to be one but you can best believe I will share my story so others know just who it is that will be coming to greet them when they are coming to your door.
My reality is I value my own space. I am strong enough to hear anybody’s tirade and I will raise my eyebrows and thanks Gods grace that their true intentions have been revealed. True friends wouldn’t want to keep poor slanderous company no matter what they feel is at stake. There are so many women out there who are just visible because they are too afraid of their own company and face. My company is what I value and I would never weaken it with another’s toxic trait. My husband is on borrowed time with me and my neighbour is the very same way. I live because this is where I am in life but I exist the best in my own heart. I don’t care about the opinions of these low life beings who are the same beings who don’t care after all these years. I care about humans and kindness and love and if it isn’t reciprocated than I bide my time until I can say goodbye. I died so I could come alive and so that I could be made aware of the intentions of others. Actions, words, feelings mean nothing when you find yourself knocking on death’s door. All the under handed comments and attempts to make me wake only make me stronger inside so what if I can’t find the words to speak. The reality is that some ego’s just take up WAY too much space and I am comforted in knowing that there is time and they WILL fall from grace. That is the hope isn’t it? That those who are in charge of doing the evil doings will get theirs in the end, won’t they? Does sin get rewarded in this day and time or can kindness win over and truly save the day? Across the street I see white people and their white privilege is sickening dominating those from the shadows till they get their twisted way. There are those who want to be courteous and kind and then there are those like my neighbour who want to rule the world from across the street and wish that the rest of the world would meet their own demise.