What would you do with your life if you thought you could get there? Would you dream differently knowing that you will make it in the end or would you become complacent in your attitude losing hope that nothing could ever change? What would you do differently if you thought it would matter or if you thought somebody could hear you, would you eventually change the words that come out of your mouth?
To say I am heartbroken is an understatement because everything that I have come to believe in now has become surreal. I can’t believe I live in a world where it is ok that we all participated in culture genocide as this day of honouring what has taken place is supposed to awaken the dead. To ask for some sort of forgiveness in this way just blows my mind. I watch every Mark, Peter and Paul profit off of what is happening here and never paying no mind. Can you believe you can get orange shirts to mark this day at Bed, Bath and Beyond? Here it is another community profiting off the blood that was so willingly spilled.
I am unfortunate in the sense I have no Indigenous blood coursing through me. What an honour that would be to be so spirtually connected to our Mother Earth and Land. Imagine how much different life would feel if we weren’t such an ass. That is what the settlers wanted to extinguish the love for each other and this Earth. To watch the way they would have interacted in their little communities and tribes should have been regarded with such honour but all they saw was dollar signs. Have you read any of the truths that was enforced onto them in this way? Do you have any idea what was lost and how one day there will be a price to pay. We see what rape and abuse does to each other but we have no idea what it does to this land. Maybe we do but we are too blind too see because we prefer the skyline to be polluted and could care less about the birds and the bees.
What I love about kindness is it does cross species. The loyalty that comes from owning pets is something that is far incredible and out of this world. To see the world revolve in their eyes as they look up at you is far more empowering than any human look could ever do. In a humans eyes there is always that lack of trust. That black tarnished soul staring back at you holding on to all grudges. We love to retaliate and get off on revenge. That fire that comes alive inside of you when somebody angers you is something far beyond any grave. Think of somebody who betrayed you in some way and what is your immediate thought…revenge. Something bittersweet to make the sting of betrayal not seem so annoying or obsolete. I think where so many get lost is they want to believe that getting that revenge would somehow feel a lot more satisfying than it does but it begins to eat away at you like a cancer, it fills you with rage. First comes the fact you let your own self down. When you act out in anger you get absolutely nothing back. You do look a fool and after the outburst has been made there is no turning back.
Everything does hurt because what I have been learning is trust no one because nothing that has been set in place has been set out that way to save you. The more people hurt the more of a waste that they become so they are no threat to the new world order. A whole bunch of manic depressants filled with anxiety and rage have no time to look for the idiosyncrasies of the world. Fixating on just the one thing that enrages them until it kills them instead. We see it everyday, all the time and it is in everything we do. We have become so jealous of each other that instead of wishing each other to succeed we are looking for ways to encourage each other to fail. Jealousy is pure evil and there is no good in it in any shape way or form. It makes you hate your neighbour for no good reason other than because of the way they look. The way they try to see the good in each day and in some ways try to find the good in you. It hurts to think that I saved a poor lil being just to have her whole existence mean nothing and fade away. That’s the feeling that kills me inside. The knowing that when given the chance to exercise basic human decency we cringe and run away. And not just run away we go far off into the distance because that is the type of people we have become. We would rather witness another’s fall from grace then consider how it would feel to lend a hand and that is what is getting to me these days.
Everyday I wake with a purpose that I won’t let the bad man get me or take me away. The bad man being who ever is against me in that moment because don’t we all just have our time against and time away? I could follow the wrong person into oblivion or I can finally give in and trust myself. Shed away my own securities and live for Mother Earth. Doing the right thing shouldn’t come at a huge moral cost or disposition yet we have made it that way. The embarrassment that comes from standing up for ourselves leaves too much at stake so we do nothing and feel jaded and then we walk away. Keeping ourselves guarded does put us at risk but so does feeling wasted in an old school of fish.
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