Today is supposed to be day of truth and reckoning but what it seems like is a reminder to be kind. The idea that an orange shirt is supposed to make up for 150 years of cultural genocide seems to me to be another slap on the wrist. I am in love with the fact today we get to celebrate and honour our Indigenous communities but from reading the Truth and Reconciliation Statements this does not seem to be enough. Not even a fraction of enough but is it a start? Maybe it depends on who you ask.
The point I need to make today is that we truly need to dig deep into our heats of heart and find a way to be kind. It shouldn’t be enough to continue being an asshole in this world when it has been proven time and time again that none of us will get out of here alive. If what the smartest men and women of the world believe than when we die and leave this Earth we do just that our energy inside of us is freed and changes form. Where would your energy go and what would it be attracted to?The fires of hell or the eternal peace of heaven only your spirit and soul inside you knows where to go.
That is what bugs me about my relationship with my Dad. It is not that what has happened between us is ruined beyond repair but it is in knowing that the entity that I had loved before I will never be able to come into contact again. Not in this life or int he next because what we proved in this existence is we were incapable of getting along. There is nothing to attract us back to each other once the life inside us moves on. That is what makes me sad is in knowing that. Not the 20 years we have missed out on or that he will never know his Grandson. It doesn’t hurt any more that he thinks I am just a drunk or even a waste of skin. My demons don’t allow me to drink. They lower my inhibitions to much to do some pretty despicable things. Every once in awhile I allow myself to grieve. I even sent him an email kind of like if I was standing over his grave. Why wait to see the words that I already know? I may never know if he read the e-mail or if it was lost in translation aka his new wife deleted it. Whatever the reasons for our divide I have to be ok with it now and leave it.
I think about the way my sister in law thinks I am lower than dirt. The old fire inside me would want to stoop down to her level but to be honest I am so tired of fighting. There is a fine line between what is acceptable and what one can let be though if you know what I mean. I wasn’t born to be a doormat there is only so much one can be cordial. I am tired Ma of bad people fit got rel ugly outside. The worse is in knowing that the storm is about to break all barriers and it is even going to rise the tides. We don’t know how to live without shoving our opinion up somebody else’s asses. Tired of being the martyr in the room you just keep to yourself and then some.
I will always maintain you have to love yourself so hard that nobody else matters because we have no idea what this all means or where we are going anyways. That is why I stopped using all those harsh chemicals found in most consumer goods. Go ahead and read the ingredients on your shampoo, soap, conditioner. Ya I can wait. But not to long because most of mine only have 3 or 4. No joke. My new shampoo that I am in love with is coconut milk, castille soap and essential oils of your choice. I think I may have perfected the recipe? Oh ya and CBD you always have to have CBD. I want people to get high off my energy when I enter the room you know what I mean? No harsh chemical or ingredients that I can’t even pronounce. That is why I am in love with Limelife as well. It provides me a healthy alternative as I perfect my trade. All organic, free of parabens, a recycling program and not tested on animals. YES PLEASE!! Why keep feeding a system that doesn’t care about feeding you? Love yourself and get paid seems pretty simple to me don’t you think? (check it out here https://www.limelifebyalcone.com/sweetrubybluez/home).
We are brainwashed in some ways and it is to be anything but kind. I see it in everything that we do and if you pay close attention to it you can too. Somebody always has to win. Somebody has to lose. Somebody is too feminine, not feminine enough, too quiet, too loud, too fat, too ugly, too pretty, too skinny. Does this word vomit ever stop if you start getting into it? What started out as a journey to make the world a better place for my son has now turned into a life long crusade. Keep doing onto others as you would have done onto you but do onto others lavishly, do as often as possible and repeat. Am I right? It isn’t a reflection of the people being an asshole if you retaliate and look like an ass back. You look just as crazy and just as mean and then it is a notch against your heart making it black. I did my time marinading in bad decisions and I am exhausted and fortunate that I am alive at all. I maintain that if you are living than your time here should feel good hence why I drop in some CBD in everything I do lol