Toxic Energy

Command attention when you walk into a room and demand all of it. Swagger like your life dependant on it because it does. How you feel in this exact moment will dictate your next move and will also determine if you succoumb to the loser swarm that is making itself your way. You know the ones I mean the leeches of life. Who would rather jump on the next wagon to band with then to take a good hard look in the mirror. What lays beneath the depth of glass lies entirely up to you. Maybe it is the superficial allure of the glare of your next conquest that motivates you but for me I never viewed life like that. It is obvious who is out to get under your skin and who is looking to caress and soften and let me tell you be fearful of the ox that is in the room. The one hiding in and amongst the shadows but is stuck there from their own depraived actions. I mean how man times do you think you can clamour around stomping on ones heart without being noticed. I have always noticed you now I ask you when did you decide to take an interest and notice me.

I love what I do and I love who I am and it is not about reaching a million of hearts it is about the one that is finally going to understand. There is a piece of me missing still in my heart and I will wade through the darkest waters to find it. I have no idea what or who it is I am missing but I know somewhere out there is something that is going to make me feel complete. So I have changed my energy and remained some what guarded but I have made it so that my energy can be felt by any and all that are willing to feel it. Some say I am a bitch but I say I am just misunderstood. Where is it written that I need to feed at a feast with my enemies? If you are friends with them then you are a foe of mine so where else do you need it written or do you need a greater divide? I jumped away from the toxic energy that was finding me as I hit my lowest low. A rock bottom is only there to catch you when everybody in your life has their backs turned. I know what it feels like to only feel relevant and wanted when you were footing another’s bill. Why I chose to walk away is because I could no longer be fake and that is what was required to be Queen of the Hill. Ha! I miss my life back then with those Darlings even though I know they don’t even think of me.

I don’t care about feeling hurt because I know I will get over it. For as long as I have remembered I have felt this ying and yang. If somebody else is going to suffer because I am feeling happy then give me all the miserable I can handle it there is just something addicting to the pain. I can cry on a dime when I think of the life I lived. I think that is what became too much because I just couldn’t hide anymore who I was. I wanted everybody to know that I was still alive after all I have been through. My demons had me by the balls (thank the stars I was born a woman not a man). I stood there in the darkness and dug my feet in. Nobody was going to have a thing to say about me. I would live my truth and that was it. I would love myself so hard that other’s people hate no longer matter. Yes I would question it but just like oil and vinegar don’t mix either does water. Sure it might taste delightful but don’t you want your soul to sing? If I was brave enough to live my honest truth than those pieces of me that were lost could finally find me. Why fill my cracks and crevices with an experience less than platinum or gold? I would never care who would chose to leave me in fact their presence now lost on me like the wind. Ahhh friends and their lip service I don’t pay them no mind. My success is life is mine to own and I do so more than lovingly. I share with those that have given me strength in this life and I let all others fade away.

Toxic energy is like a fake friend and both will kill you all too willingly. When given a chance to sell you out to the highest bidder they do so and wait for their good fortune to turn and take them. The biggest sell out on Earth is the women here who sell out anybody just for profit. There is no loyalty when it comes to a crown and you can see the jealous just ooze out of them. It isn’t always this way I have met some very wonderful gals but all it takes is one to work it’s poison and the rest just get overly nauseated. I know I am at times regarded as a loaded cannon but I chose to only speak the truth. Maybe it is the smoking of THC that makes me honest because I sure as hell don’t have the energy to keep up with all the lies. My truth is for me I don’t live my life for anybody else. You have to care for yourself first it has nothing about being selfish. We all have our “love tanks” and our desires to be filled all I am suggesting is start with self service before you go off and get the full fill. You are the most important person in the room and you should always look at yourself that way. Forget all this toxic energy and fake niceties. Who needs that garbage anyways?

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