What I love about reality is we play into it like it is the be all end all not even questioning what it is for and what it all means. We buy into a certain way of being jumping through hoops for people who don’t care if we existed and we only care that they do because in some way they foot our bills. We blindly follow millions upon billions into oblivion like this time the end of the story is going to be different and this time we are going to make it out alive. We perverse what we make of the living feeding off their entrails and confidence and self esteem till they feel worthless and next to nothing only then will we hear the words “finish him” echo throughout the valley’s and the land.

I used to think I wanted to belong. So badly I would try. Year after year. Season after car show season no matter the amount of backstabbing or truth of other’s betrayal ringing inside my ears. Then all of a sudden it stopped. Like wading in water or losing my own free will in quicksand I listened to another woman speak ill of another and I just couldn’t stand it no more. In one sentence she was talking about how abusive her ex was and pretty much jealous of how it is he had the courage to move on. She spoke so ill of his new partner even spear headed a pack of evil women to help shame and curse her name. To publicly ridicule and out a woman who is clearly blinded by love just like you were and all you can think of is to publicly shame her? Shame on you for hiding in among the shadows the way that you do. I never understood how a woman could blatantly say she is against domestic violence and violence against women and all that jazz and her she is doing what others shouldn’t be doing…there is safety in numbers not isolating and shaming that is absolutely absurd.

So the reality is we all speak this righteous game but when push comes to shove we turtle and run and then we cast our own shadow and shame. There is no accountability anymore in our actions and there is always another participant to willingly ridicule and shame. They tried to do it to me for just asking a question. Correction stating the obvious but what do I know I am just tit for tat. I have never got tired of what it is I have been trying to do or have been encouraging others to say. Our lives only blend harmoniously when we are truthful there is no other way to play the game. The Universe doesn’t reward piss pour behaviour even though it looks like it does. There is the reading between the lines but a lot of us have no idea how to even begin or worse yet have the inkling or desire to start. There are so many holes in the world we humans process our own thoughts and deal with the world I am surprised it is us as a planet that is made up of swiss cheese. Wasn’t life easier when we believed in fables and tales that were passed down through us until social media and Hollywood told us what else was out there better to believe.

I think of the trolls of the world who only want to profit off of another person’s demise. I am not that person nor do I have a desire to ever be. What some pass off as kindness I almost consider it as a mild way of telling another off. Why be so basic in your own demeanor instead of doing what is right for the rest of the world? Nowhere is it in written that you need to be an asshat of this world in order to have the life that you believed to be promised to you. Kindness is where I gravitate too and once I have felt the sting of another’s betrayal I just keep my distance and go on my way. I have never been scared of starting over. I prefer it. Imagine where you could go if you knew all that you know then as a 16 year old child. Why can’t you live in that mindset and time frame of who you used to be before the world got ugly and made it so you could barely breathe? I never understood the concept of reality as it has always seemed distorted to me. What I noticed is I only fit into some people’s reality when there was a version of me that appealed to them or that they could use to their benefit in some way. The reason for my youthful appearance and demeanor is I couldn’t be bothered by what other people say. Why be alarmed by another’s misdeed or bad fortune when 9 times out of 10 they don’t give a damn about you either. Go to the other side of that line where what we know here is reality and that next step is fate and every thing in between could be your dream come true or oblivion but you are too fearful or egotistical to take that next leap. When you are there close your eyes and let go and see who lies next to you until you begin to wake. There is the whole land of the living than the in between and at times I can’t go on no further and I am not sure just how much more I can take. That is when I chose to escape reality and go to a place that is just meant for me. Where my dreams come alive and my heart is at peace and finally awake.