My decision to validate my existence by being entirely transparent and raw didn’t come easy. Trust me. The reality of our choices sinks in the more time that passes but so does the chance of finally be authentic with ourselves.
I have played many games where I would allow the feelings of others bulldoze through me. If you know or have ever been in this position you know. Your entire being depends on the feelings of another and you will put up with almost anything to keep them loving on you in anyway. Maybe it isn’t love that you are seeking but sometimes any attention is what we all need. It is incredible how we all crave it yet we can’t find it in ourselves. Growing tired of the way others viewed me anyways why not throw my love of Cannabis to further push all these haters away.
Truth is I always smoked on and off for years. Cigarettes too for awhile but I kicked that habit too. I indulged in other drugs (cocaine being my favourite) and would drink for days sometimes weeks what does it matter when nobody cares for you. Correction my mom always did but how could I let her see me this way. Far to embarrassed that I failed at life maybe in my honestly I can be successful at this.
Effexor distorted my brain, affected my personality and made me somebody that I was far too embarrassed to admit to anybody that that was the way that I was. Maybe I could see it but maybe not at all what I know for sure is something wasn’t working so something in the cycle had to give. If it ain’t broke then don’t fix it but if it is don’t be afraid to throw the damn thing out. Sure daily consumption of cannabis for some seems crazy and off the wall but I was taking 150 mg of Effexor twice daily paying some big Pharmas vacation bills. When the side effects far out weigh what you are trying to treat there has to be a better way.
Why there is so much negative judgement it just blows my mind. Just like if I share too much in photos it is like there are trolls with pitch forks and torches ready to set me ablaze into the night. I laugh now because what I choose to do now has NOTHING to do about me and everything to do about them. I chose to find a better way to live my life and I am doing so with a Doctor there by my side. She has been there to guide me and has shown me pure love when nobody else close to me can. She has listened to my concerns and has supported me in every way. Just knowing she is cheering for me has me fighting for better days.
What kind of existence would we have if we ignored the best parts of us. The moments of light that set our soul on fire in ways that others will never understand. That is what I love about coming face to face with my demons in the most raw and natural way. I have armed my cells to work in my favour at least that is how I feel every time I slather up my skin with my CBD recipes. I want people to love their skin and we can best do that by being kind to ourselves in the most natural and authentic of ways. Think of all the chemical ingredients we use daily all designed to keep us numb and aging before our time. If we are constantly angry and fighting against each other than how can we face the honest facts. That somebody evil changed the course of all our lives that day the moment they all came into power. People in power don’t do so they do so because they want control of the masses and dictate onto them what to do. Wherever there was evil in the world there were people in power turning a blind eye and looking away. Millions of people don’t vanish from existence without a whole lot of people knowing, believe that.
We blindly believe what “educated” people tell us like it is the next best thing. But who said so and who made up this whole belief system. Look what it has done to Mother Earth and her planet. We didn’t need to destroy the Earth and punish other life forms into deprivation and existence. We did that. All of us allowed that to happen as we run over another squirrel or chipmunk who has nowhere else to go now and has found salvation under your tire on your street. The idea that I should feel some sort of way about humans that don’t like me makes me laugh as I lube myself again with CBD moisturizer that smells as good as vanilla cake. I am delighted by the naysayers and sometimes like frolicking in their shade. Use their misguided energy as fuel to never end that way. I know what it feels like to be let down by those trusted but I vowed never again. Authentically yours I feel some but in others I turned and run away. Like another 300 mg dose of Effexor I think I would rather just not. My life mission is to make other people feel good and to all others good night! No more twice bitten because once is enough. It took awhile for the venom to course out of me but it was easy once of the pharmaceutical cocktail wore off. Well became less of a poisonous influence on my life. There is nothing so alarming in life then when you can’t recognize yourself and that is what makes me an advocate for standing up an d doing what is right. We shouldn’t be shamed because of a little bit of Sweet Mary Jane but those that want us to feel bad are the ones that outed themselves for being the ultimate in hypocrites so help kick them to the curb.