My Ride and Die

We are always presented with the power of choice. We can chose the path that has been well traveled or we can push our way through into something new. What held promise of adventure spoke as a testament to the love and loyalty that when given the opportunity will more than shine on through. What I am talking about is me and my boys, without the dogs, stayed a night away at a hotel. For the most part we have been confined to the house. What else can you expect from all the animals we have under one roof.

The loyalty that exudes from a well loved pet is by far one of the best experiences in the world. Once you have been privy to this kind of love and ais simidoration you would wonder how you ever managed to make do. Our dogs were left in the loving care of our in-laws so you think things would go off without a hitch. Of course we thought the two larger dogs would run a muck and Latte would just kind of make do. What came back to us after just one night was an incredibly depressed and broken little terrier.

I pride myself on being attentive to their care as it is our responsibility to ensure that they are living their best possible life. There care sometimes consumes me as I try to make notes of their behaviours. We owe it to them as their caretakers to do at least that much. What is there to notice when it comes to animals that sleep a lot, at least with cats. Dogs are a little more trying it times it is why they say they have toddler brains. An animals capacity to communicate is similar to that of a toddler. Some days what they are trying to say make complete sense and some days, well it seem like they are drunk and out to lunch. Not literally but you understand the point I am trying to make. When it comes to trying to communicate with those who can’t speak to us there is a lot of give and take. Those that we can keep in silence we push to the side knowing that they will never find the courage or the words to say to put us in our place. Those who live in silent will never know the tortures of the world and how truly painful it can all be. Those who prefer to do as their hearts desire without wasting too much time beginning to believe in what other people think or others might even begin to feel.

Watching the emotions flood through my poor sweet doggo made me really take a stop in life and question everything I have ever done and known. The way I would only let my emotions flow to the surface and suppress the feelings of those that love me most. What on Earth am I talking about anyways, right? My sweet Latte looked so broken after a night away from his family. My husband insists that it was a little stomach bug but what stomach bug stays alive in that much acid? I mean I cleaned up all his bile from my kitchen floor. Not an ounce of food not a stitch. My poor love. I know that feel. We believe our animals are just that. Animals who are we to say how they feel. You see it in their faces and it becomes everything they do. I always knew my little man was special but I had no idea just how much he was a part of my life. I tried to imagine that feeling of being dropped off some place you didn’t want to go. My poor sweet bestie being there when the literal sh*t hit the fan between me and my sister in law. What I tried to explain to my husband is that how can we relate to how it is that he is feeling. I dropped him off with my own mortal enemy then spent a night away to frolic and have a good time. I tried to imagine how that would feel after we drove away. How cold the night would have felt all alone wondering if we were ever going to come back that way. Imagine the greatest love of your life closing the door with you left standing on the other side. There was a moment when he was in my arms that I thought for sure that he was going to die.

So the lesson I learned in night while being away wasn’t about how I wanted to put Color Street on every fingers as I colored the World (and trust me I do). What I learned in our seperation is that sometimes that it isn’t where you are going in life it is in finding some salvation in the company that you keep. My husband will tell you that my dog caught a bug. What the vet report will tell you is that he was suffering from a triggered stomach acid and that is what attributed to him hurling. We spend so much time chasing the wrong feelings. Where most chase after lust and instant gratification there needs to be a push towards inward reflection and an outer union of who others believe ourselves to be. There is a reason they say to be the person your dog already believes you to be because they think you are the greatest thing living in their whole world. We chase these dreams and we exaggerate these feelings when it is so simple to let go and simply just be free. Yes some days I want to die and in my dogs eyes I think he feels the same way too. His poor little life came crashing in around him and where most wouldn’t notice, he became all that I could see. He was an abandoned, rescued dog recovered from the streets of LA and without even a second thought in his eyes I gave him away. To watch the heart break of animal is unlike anything else I have ever seen. Now I know I wasn’t crazy when he would look up and his eyes alone could light up any room. How vain of me to think that life made sense without him by my side. In him he is what I waited my whole life to find, he truly is my ride and die.

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