Time is all we got till it is taken, then we look back wishing we could somehow claw it back.

Don’t you take for granted the moment you find yourself in catching yourself wishing you could be anywhere else? Then after time when that moment is lost to you, you would give anything just to have that moment back? The people we push off till tomorrow sometimes becomes those we will never see or speak of again. Seeing is forbidden, well it’s entirely not allowed but speaking is something we tend not to do because we want to do anything to get rid of the pain.

An old lady sits alone wasting away by the window hoping for those she loves will visit once more. Every second of that clock is a reminder of how close she is to come and remind her of her widow that will not be returning home. We don’t want to imagine the way it could feel waiting for your loved ones to visit or putting you off for another day. The only thing that hurts more than the change of the seasons is knowing you are going to be going to bed alone once again. A wedding picture turned down beside the bed table speaks volumes of the pain of loneliness she is feeling. How my heart and soul wishes I can visit more.

Now as we sit staring at the clock willing it to slow down or somehow hit reverse but when we close our eyes we can’t recognize we we have become. Tainted by our own misconceptions. Frozen by our own fear who do we trust when there is no one left who knows us and how could we ever make our own intentions heard. A cry alone in the dark is just our own as we wish for the days that were easier. I long for the memories when it was us kids on the ball field lost in day dreams by this weeks crush. The thoughts and dreams of all the possibilities and that silly game of who you would marry, what house, what car, where would you honeymoon and how many kids etc. You know the one. You just made a list of names and places and then began to cross them off until one from each category was left standing. That would be with who and how your future lies.

Holding onto those we used to know a long time ago is also incredibly toxic. People change, habits form. The purest intentions of a childhood friend now becomes the demon that wants to rip you to shreds and more. There is no piece in the sanctity of what once was because as we know there is knowing go back. Everything that has shaped and formed us has made absolute sure of that. Bono sung about going to where the streets had no name. How I wish that was a possibility. Before a few were chosen to perverse what it meant to be human and to desecrate on our good names. That’s what they did and that is how it happened. No quicker did we learn to take our first breaths did we learn to become weary of the knife. A quick stab in the back of a friend or even family member will forever leave a pain in your heart and bring a tear to your eye.

So time now I ask you why you are so hell bound and determined to take it all away. To give us a taste of what could be then take a proverbial dump on our graves. Where did all the people go? A long time has passed since the first man came to life and left his imprint on this Earth. Or did he leave an imprint because we don’t even know who he was. We can’t prove that he existed. We have no idea if he fell from above. If there was an explosion in the sky that caused each cell to replicate in it’s own unique way what the hell is that supposed to even mean? Why do we need to define it? What is preventing it from leaving life be? I watch my cat eat from a dish that I provide and I know that was never was supposed to be the intended way. Then I have to wonder if he was even a thought in this big plan or was he another perversion of science to keep us entertained in some really weird way.

The more I try to find out what the purpose of life is I realize there is only so far that I am entitled to go. There are civilizations that are just artifacts and one day we will be the same. Of course we will how can we not be we each start out one and the same. The inevitability of our ending is so exhausting to think. What is worse is what some will do in the meantime robbing others of their free mind and freedom. Another thing that blows my mind is how self righteous some claim to be but always let something defeat them like jealousy, anger or even rage. I feel it all the time on my day to day. Those I used to know decide they don’t like me like I was pretending to be somebody I wasn’t born to be. Maybe at one time I used but I was a product of unfortunate circumstances. The point being of course is that people can change but only when they admit their faults and try to life more conscious and aware of who they are and how they came to be. I rarely indulge in fake and phonies and only do so as a matter of fact. Like the fact that I have to be in the room with some is out of respect for others and there is nothing else that matters than the kind of love like that. At least in my mind.