There are so many of those that just want to be validated in life without putting in any sort of work. They want to rain on everybody’s parade to keep them in the mud without lifting a finger or even saying a word. The deceitful ways that they carry on with their days make me want to push the envelope and so much more.
I get body shamed on the regular on social media. There isn’t a day that doesn’t go by that some over the top pretentious cow rains down on me to try and make me feel some sort of way. Preaching their all inclusiveness unless you have the courage to stand out of a crowd. Saying that they are a lover of all life unless you embrace your womanly figure and put it on display. Not in a sexualized sort of way but more like what the Roman’s used to do. There was a time when we embraced our bodies and immortalized them in marble and stone but now a days there are all these trolls hiding under all the bridges ready to spew their filth and rage.
I thought I belonged to a supportive cannabis mom community but even they still want you to conform to be a certain way. Don’t love yourself and try to encourage others feel the same. Break away from the chains of your college professor telling you that it is because of the way you dress that you deserved to get raped. Stop telling yourself that I must be a bad mom for the reels or posts I make because I love myself enough to put on a face. They have been wearing make-up since the Shakespearean Era but tell me again how I must be a bad mom because I refuse to conform to this predetermined rat race. Everything I do gets done in between bath times and car rides and yes even afternoon naps. I am so sick of these people who say WE LOVE EVERYBODY. Except you! We don’t like you because you are too pretty so we won’t even give you the respect to say it to your face. I am so nice most day. Most days but today I feel rage. I hate those that pretend that they are ALL INCLUSIVE to grow a fan base and save face.
I don’t support half naked chicks on my page. Correct yourself Dahling I am a fully naked woman who is tired of people like you trying to disgrace my good name. It is people like you that overly sexualize what it means to love yourself. It is people like you that make it so survivors like me want to crawl back into a hole and die. There is nothing more that can trigger me than being used like a piece of meat by three guys and telling me it is because of what I wear. Just like my counsellor telling me I am too big of a girl to have it happen to yet here it is happening over and over again.
Now Dahling let me reflect that mirror back onto you and ask YOU what made you feel this way. Somewhere somebody hurt you to make you feel like maybe my nudity was me. I don’t want to live in a world where I have to be afraid of my own silhouette because of other people’s insecurities and hate. I am who I am because of a serious of unfortunate circumstances now I am desperate to connect to others like me. When you are victimized and lose all sense of self because of the way another chooses to have their own way you become stunted. At 42 years old it took me a life time to love myself and it is not going to be derailed by another person’s misplaced version of themselves. I dare to live my life differently because it doesn’t make sense to live it pretending to be somebody else. My facts of my life just happened. Maybe it was a case of being at the wrong place at the wrong time. Believing in the wrong people who pull the wool over my eyes. That is why I bare all for the camera and time it to songs that remind me of a feeling that I used to know. A person, a place, a moment I bring it to life when I reel it all together. I hate when people can’t get past a naked image because I would like to believe that I am something worth far more than that. I guess you could say that my work here is getting done. If I do what all the other’s are doing it would be just a mass of head shots and pumpkin patches. You can’t shock and awe without the shock and the awe. I am here to ruffle some feathers and amuse others and I don’t for see any changes in that.
I take on too much and I love what I do. Surrounded by all forms of life and taking chances connecting with others through their love of passion and art. That is what it means to me to be put on display. For that 15 to 30 seconds in time I am not alone and my purest intentions can be heard. Not by everyone and in that I am entirely ok. I don’t want to be bombarded by a million when one or two is all you need to fulfill a day. To make time matter and make the most of every minute is the only way I can think. When I take on way too much in the day and the dishes pile up in the sink I know that eventually they will get done so the last thing I do is to get into overdrive and begin to panic. I try to remain in somewhat control of my emotions it just gets hard when you think you are moving mountains and come up against a hill. Is there anything more annoying than those who say they are inclusive of everybody? Except you…ya you. You can go away!