Do you remember Grade 6 Science? I think it is grade 6 science where we begin to learn about energy and the way it is manipulated and how it changes form. The greatest min of all time said that and believed it with full force. And look at the life he lived. He lived every day trying to uncover the mystery that is life and it is in his words we shall find truth at it’s source.

Energy. Feel the energy in the room. Feel the shift deepen and lengthen dependent upon the beings that come across this space in this moment of time. Resonate the truth of love you want other’s to feel from you and let that become your guiding point home. Everything I have wrote about before was a reflection of my own short comings and no more.

The truth that I was so desperate to seek I am finding that I had carried it along with me this whole time. Forgetting to live within the moment I became fragment and in that fragmentation I began to lose my mind. I wasn’t happy because I was failing to see the happiness that I was building within myself. I focused on the pain and sorrow but deep down I knew there must be a reason and I wanted to find the source and maybe begin to find another way. My life I knew didn’t just happen by chance because there were another million cells just waiting for their chance to come alive but I beat them to the punchline so did they just whither away and die? What happened to all the little lives that were growing and hoping to be a real part of me that day. Now I guess we could say this is where I fully lost it, I suppose. Lol. Some had long predicted for this day.

So back to energy and the way people feel and the way they try to impose their intentions and free will onto others. Not truly happy where they ended up in their lives so they brow beat anybody within ear shot and who would listen. You lash out to somebody you could really give a damn about if they were living or dead but you keep them around just in case they make it in life and then watch how fast they try to reel you in. Isn’t that what it is about? Isn’t that why we keep those around we could really care less about but maybe if I was in a tough spot they might be the people that could help me out in a pinch. I had a girl tell me she didn’t like who I was in my social media life. Laughing in my heart I knew that who I portray both on-line and in person are in fact one in the same. Reflect and zing! Right? Turn the lash of insults and you will in fact find the source of the truth. That is the source of the bad energy and there is not too much more that you can do. I love that people hate my blogs because it is ahhh so inspiring because they just told me they read at least one entry and to me that is what me and Charlie Sheen like to call WINNING!!

My new mission in life is to try and get to the source of my internal bad energy and try to extinguish it away. My mental health is like a roller coaster ride and I am not sure if it is a good thing. I know I have wrote before about the ups and downs of life. The lows and highs that mimic our heartbeat that we want to keep moving and not have flat line. I think sometimes I remember that when I am feeling really low. That feeling of this is it and utter despair. I love life don’t get me wrong but some days my mind does like to bend. To toy with the idea with what’s out there and is there any sense of me staying for what is keeping me. Meh! Too scared for the possibility of nothing so I get up everyday and true. My newest passion is to love myself so hard that my broken bits come back together. I wanted to believe so badly that it was possible to find true love. There is possibility in love being everywhere it doesn’t have to stop at just physical touch and being. In absence of both I prefer being. To connect with an energy so entirely that it reminds you of what life is supposed to mean.

I had this moment. I had to take this mo ment. The negative energy from my husband and my heart reacting like a sponge makes it so I just want to explode. I can’t come toether fast enogh in order to keep baring all this weight. Something is going to give sooner or later and it is getting to be more than I can take. So I walked with a bag and my littles Latte. I knew I needed him as much as he needed me so off into the outdoors we left today. My husband and son were gone so I knew it was safe to leave. I had to get out of this house that was HIS all I could think about was how much of a loser I was and how I had nothing. So I walked into the woods where there was sun, winds and birds and just sat and absorbed all the energy that was surrounding me. That the only person we fail when we are vile is ourselves because we look for faults in everything we encounter and see. When everything else crumbles around you, you are the one still left standing unless of course you are dead. To admit defeat in your mother’s eyes or rise another day to break bread.