A friend had made a post on social media that really got me thinking. It was just a post about “”Things I am Unlearning” and it really stirred inside of me.
The first “Social standards of beauty and diet culture”. How true! Why is there even a set guideline of how to look when our looks are something out of our control. We shouldn’t see ourselves as anything less then the beautiful creatures that we are but the beauty industry likes to dictate to us anyways. To an almost nauseating level. Why not accept each other and create an infinite space for love instead of all this hate? Oh yes! Because this is the 600 Billion Dollar industry and the fat cats need to eat their cake at our children’s expense and fate.
“Seeking external validation over self assurance”. Guilty as charged! I want to be loved! I love being loved. I want to be loved and accepted and it takes constant reminding that I can accept and love me. That I don’t nerd anybody to be my positive force in life. Nothing kills us faster than relying on somebody else. It’s not that outside compliments aren’t welcome or they don’t feel good it’s just you don’t NEED to hear them daily to validate your existence.
“Distracting from hard feelings instead of processing them.” How can you begin to heal if you can’t acknowledge that you are in fact hurt. It’s ok to not feel ok but you have to at least be ready at some point to hit those feeling head on. You know what I mean? I am not scared to grieve or miss somebody no longer with us or tell somebody they hurt me or what they are doing is messed up.
“Making myself smaller to fit social situations”. I rarely make myself smaller but I also never go out. I guess the world is my stage when I am outside so I portray the character it is I want to project. I am a little small in the sense I don’t let many in but other than that I am who I say I am I promise you that.
“Pretending like I’m fine instead of asking for support.” I am pretty good at asking but then I feel ashamed. I get told I am not a good mother, a women, that I am deranged and that I need help. I tell him that I know that as I find myself slipping then he begins to pick to get under my skin. So then it is obvious I am asking the wrong people? In times of crazy uncertainty I find myself turning to crystals.
“Ignoring my own boundaries to please other people”. This only applies to my husband as I am trying to minimize how much we are fighting. It is insane at the magnitude of daily fighting and just how draining it is to other people. So I try to do what I know what will make him happy. Keep the house as clean as possible and keep his kid entertained and fed. So I changed my perspective. Sure I want more out of life but I also want to be the best wife and mom so technically what he is saying DOES make sense. My momma don’t work here in fact I am the momma in lieu of working outside of the house I can do some work at home. Check Mate!
“Believing my self worth depends on my productivity”. Isn’t there a fine line in life. Having goals and letting them consume you or wanting for nothing just withering away? There has to be a little give in your accomplishments but it sure is nice to have motivation and dreams. A reason to get out of bed in the morning. You know what I mean. But it is ok to have a day of nothing as long as it isn’t fueled by something blue. Those toxic emotions that really start to mess up your brain.
“Sacrificing my voice/beliefs to avoid conflict”. The only people the Universe remembers are the ones that do. To flow with the stream of mediocrity or be bold enough to stand out and be noticed. I think we know which route I took. The only time I shy away is when things get heated inside this house.
“Not celebrating my accomplishments because others have better ones” I think I am ok at celebrating. I know I share my joy with my followers isn’t that kind of the same thing? If there are no accomplishments to celebrate couldn’t you just celebrate your life instead? Yay! I got out of bed this morning and I did my make-up and even got dressed. That’s enough. Just opening your eyes means another day above ground. Be thankful.
What a list isn’t it? Work through each point and see what you come up with. I would love to compare notes and see how others interrupt their unlearning and if they find benefit in the list like I did. There is value to challenging our own minds and maybe even our own minds anything is possible in this process!
What I learned is their value and promise in every day and you can go about it in the way that is best for you. Hopefully free of judgment and hate and all that jazz. The world is hard enough as it is without becoming competitive with our thoughts. We need to gravitate towards those who love us for being all of us and what we bring to the table not spewing jealousy or hate. Or this sideways annonymosity that they think we all can’t see. Holy barfaramma Bat Man you need to get a life! I see you over there being all green for all the things that make me me. I don’t hate you for being you for any reason I want us all to be successful in this game called life. C’EST LA VIE!