Why does he insist on validating my existence like his is the only opinion that matters? I don’t understand how such vile thoughts could be had by one person especially when that one person is somebody you claim to love.

Over and over again the scenario plays out in my mind and heart and it is incredulous how far from zen one can fall and continue to fall deep. The scars that once held me back are the same ones that are used to define me and I am tired of having to keep feeling ashamed. I am not the same person that I was 6 months ago, physically speaking our cells turnover every 6 months. But for all intents and purposes I am not who I used to be. There are those in the shadows that are still begging to be heard. The ones who want to remain relevant in your story line because they know that you will never give up. They are the first ones to try and shame you too when the going gets tough. Nobody flees a sinking ship faster than the captain. Unless of course he is a reputable man. You should never regret the choices that you did make because back then those were the best choices that you had.

We never remember things quite as they were and I think that is to stop us from going insane. Imagine replaying over every minute detail. What if I did it this way or that way or maybe even just a little bit like that. We weren’t meant to live in the past only, just a nice place to visit to remind of us where we once were. We need to experience the downs of life just like we appreciate the ups. Try to remember seeing through the eyes of a child, the simplicity. That zest for life that never gives up. Where does it go as we age? Over time it just tarnishes and fades. We fail to put the loves into ourselves anymore because like some have began to notice we are too far on the other side in fact we have already landed at the bottom of the hill.

The younger generation filled with so much promise in life until they begin to grow and get polluted by other’s filth. Other’s opinions of how life used to be, should have been, ought to be. The world is a very confusing place. Why do we try to out live our current means like it may save us our sanity in the end. Life and it’s mystery is all around us and it all depends on what you believe. Everybody has a different story and passion and life and we don’t all have to see eye to eye. Sure we don’t have to like each other but wouldn’t it be better if we could at least get along? Why so much misplaced hate all for nothing when we could change the world just being the definition of love. Nature sacrifices itself in order for life to continue on. There is a reason that there is a food chain in place and there is a reason why we call it the circle of life. To honour what comes alive by the dawns early light would be the greatest compliment to whomever is responsible for all this. Don’t you think? The same cell that started out you and me is responsible for creating something else. We are all just one cell and that is where we go when we die back to where we started first of all. I am unsure if I should feel scared or excited but I know it will make sense after all.

The secret to life is kindness because all life responds to those that are kind. What sense is there in creating more evil, negative energy when you can try to be the sun that warms the Earth. I have a thick skin because I conditioned myself that way but just because it’s thick doesn’t mean it can’t break. I have patched more holes than I care to mention, oh wait, there is nothing I am not scared to bare from within. What if I held something back and an experience was lost. Something that could be of value later on. Kindness allows us to learn from another to enhance this crazy game called life.

Hate in all of it’s abundance is a very strong word. It creates the biggest divides in friends and families. It is the source of all the war in the world. How could a man possibly hurt somebody they didn’t know and the answer is as clear as day. A real man couldn’t hurt another man just for sh*ts and giggles. They would lay down their own lives to preserve the longevity of another it is called bravery and valor. Who wants to live forever anyways. The Romans never did. Am I supposed to believe we are worth more because of the years ones put in? Think of a company downsizing they don’t seem to care. Out with the old, in with the new and if we can save a dollar even better! People sacrificed their whole lives in the hopes of a better future for the next generation but I think we failed miserably at that.

The only validation I need. The only one that is required. The one that is absolutely essential is the acceptance and peace that I give to myself. That it is OK to be different, to be weird, to march to the beat of a different type of drum. I do it with pride and I do it as not to conform or succumb. So I may lose followers at the end of the day I just got to keep repeating…YOU ARE LOVED! YOU ARE WORTHY! YOU ARE EVERYTHING JUST BECAUSE! All I need is my acceptance that I will be OK. That days will get better as long as I have my say.