Putting the Past Behind Me

Change everything about yourself that doesn’t feel good and that includes the things you accepted long ago that just don’t feel right.

Take my current situation. Once again boils down to a situation of not taking care of myself and over looking the simplest of compounds that all living things need in some sort of capacity to stay alive. A slight oversight on my part that the husband chose to impose onto me his barbaric thinking. My decision to not eat meat came from a place that I love all life and it forgoes my own need to survive. Then the thinking gets complicated because everything we consume in some form or another was once before alive. Think too much on the subject and you will never be able to live your life the same way again unless you choose to live your life a little bit differently. You have to free yourself from the limitations that others insist on imposing on you and then only then will you begin to feel alive.

Take my attempt at growing cannabis. I failed for so many simple reasons. The same went for my body and it’s circulatory system. I was legit poisoning each one and the same. The water I was given my plants was too acidic and had no oxygen in the water AT ALL. We all need oxygen and hydrogen in a neutral state and when our pH get’s out of balance that is when things start running a muck. Even our skin has a neutral pH so it stands to reason the growing substrate’s pH would have to run neutral as well as we are looking to encourage the replication of new cells. What happens when we don’t honour the cells with the simple building blocks of life we all begin to wither away and fade. We put our plants under a sun light which stands to reason as humans we would want to do the same. Are our growers happier people? They sure seem so to me. At least that is how they portray themselves to be. All cells react when something is out of sync it is how our insides tell our outsides HEY LOOK AT ME!!

Plants respond when you talk to them as you respond to them as you talk. We need the constant supply of CO2 and 02 and would you believe we require the opposite from each other? Super cool. I think that is why it is important to have a one on one connection with what it is you are growing because DUH a life supplies a life. How much better would you respond if you knew you were being loved instead of being hooked up to life support just so you can breathe? That has been my journey and it just so happens my body has decided to run parallel with this journey. Healthy body, healthy life so my plants should react the same. Break down what we learned in school and it will eventually make sense but don’t over think it too much because you will forget to dream.

So once your temple is on the up and mend then you can go on fulfilling the real reason why you are here. To keep on moving forward when the going goes to get you. Ever hit a speed bump that is just taking forever to get over? High centered in the middle of nowhere with nobody coming or going to hear you. I refuse to just sit here though and wait to hitch a ride. That is what some want me to feel anyways and I for one am sick of playing this game. This is our life to live and we only get this one shot so we need to reach for as far as we can no matter the size of the dreams or the stars. Those we want to squash you every chance that they get are already beneath you anyways so say goodbye and have a nice day. Well not really anyways but ewww get away. Don’t be giving out second chances like they were going to change with a hope and a prayer.

I know the life I want to live and I now know what my future looks like. I know who I need to become to get there and truth be told I know I truly am going to be alright. The love I lost along the way is nothing compared to what it is on it’s way and coming. I feel that so purely that it doesn’t matter if it is going to happen in this timeline or next. I am hear for my own awakening and I can’t believe how sick I needed to fall. To those that called me useless and lazy just know it was because I truly couldn’t breathe. There was little to no oxygen in blood so it was preventing me from doing even the simplest of things. I couldn’t filter out the bad things, my blood was barely moving to even set off a reader. Sure it was strange but that is why my Doctor ordered tests. All I heard when she was talking was blood clots were a side effect of the vaccine. Between her and her staff they kept asking what vaccine did I get. She told me she had two patients that had heart attacks so she wanted to be extremely careful.

When she looked at me and said severely low iron and peered over her glasses she asked if I ate beef. I was so dumbfounded by that being all that it was I asked her again to repeat if she was sure and she was. I trust her wholeheartedly so I am going to do as I am told. I am taking my 300 MG of Iron and had a green smoothie plus making Lentil Soup and ordered some Spirulina to supplement with. The first thing I was told to do was eat a steak and I just cried. Being taunted with this can all be solved if you just ate meat turned my heart into a knot. Sure my family were farmers and they eventually did eat meat but not initially. Not truthfully. And I am laying down my life in their honor as my sacrifice. Sure I may consume cannabis to an astronomical level but have you read the previous blogs? Have you been present for the nitty and the gritty? I am sure looking forward to having the energy to be putting the past behind me and that includes the negativity and the ugly. Homegirl don’t play no more games and I am done with being tired. I can’t wait to jazz hands all over the universe with my incredible posse to guide me….muahhhhh!

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