Ever try to be cute and adorable, to try and mend broken faces only to have your attempt unacknowledged and thrown right back at your face? It is more than being crazy it is damn right disrespectful and the use of the word only came about to crawl under your skin.

Oh Darlings how I would live if I was ignored. In complete and utter bliss where others would gravitate towards me. With their righteous light and holy being I will run to them like they were an old childhood friends. Not the ones who have always looked down at me but the ones who have always held out their hands. I would say their names to enliven me but their spirit has long moved on. I couldn’t ask them to stay and protect me any longer. I try to be selfless as possible until I leave this world.

Hate is a strong feeling and so is the ability to reduce somebody so they feel useless. Which leads to the question if you can’t be a decent enough being what’s stopping you from shutting up? Marinade in your own filth instead poisoning and affecting others. But you won’t and you do. You self righteous air of entitlement makes me sick and I wish I had the confidence to wipe that smirk right off your face. Those who impose their will onto others are nothing more than hollow fakes. Their time is coming very soon or not at all. The Universe will decide when it comes for those it takes.

The problem with being called annoying is that is in fact my true self. By saying my ver essence is nothing more than irritating indicates just how far from grace we have become. In the absence of love to have no respect…where does one go from there without losing themselves entirely? I never thought it would matter so much to have somebody by your side and the reality is it does not. If we decide forgoing this journey alone though we better make sure our partner is truly our other half, you know our predetermined ride and die.

The journey can be exhausting when your going about it yourself but so can being with the wrong partner. The constant grate on the last nerves truly drives one insane and heaven forbid your health is faltering will you ever see light again or even air? This journey in sludge is at times becoming too much that dreaming about a brighter future is inevitable as the manic side begins to set in

When will this be all over and does it get any easier or at least makes more sense. I am scared for what is coming in time. I need a reminder to keep focused on what is right in front of me and don’t take on too much. I love life and the blessing that comes with the promises of Spring. We have a whole season of frigid emotions to get through before we begin to see the brighter side of things. Eye for an eye they say unless you can pluck out their teeth. Gold fetches a higher at market then just the gingivitis that has settled in. Some of so much to say you would thing that their gums were diseased like if they only could talk fast enough the itching and burning would go away. Then they bleed in an attempt at a final hooray. Oh poor me look at what I have been reduced too leaving all others without their final say.

Imagine coming across the man that raped you as a child and you see how he doesn’t even care about you. He has a huge family, 5 kids and he even has a wife. To me when somebody brags to me about how great of a man is I cringe. It boils my blood and it makes me insanely mad. He robbed me of a better future left me with demons that tore at me and for decades left me depressed and insane. I was mad but what could I do. Move along little sister it will one day be OK.

Imagine the other scenario. The one who robbed you of your innocence was now sitting there on life support. Dying from cancer or an other disease his depravity finally catching up to him you decide to forgive him of his actions although you are seething with rage. We can forgive a dying man of all the craziest things when the only thing he has done of value was lose the energy to make another beg and cry. They were as tough as nails ruining a others life but now as they make moves to crossover there is nobody to be seen nor is there anybody waiting for them on the other side. Of course they become desperate and begin to say all the right things but they fail to mention what fuelled their beast in the first place so I will stand in the shadows.

I thought I hated being crazy but annoying just disrupts my being. It says you don’t like me for being me and to shut up and stop crying lol What can I say I am a sensitive being always have been always will be. What’s the sense of disrupting my ver reason for being. I am not trying to be annoying just the epitome of self love and caring so forgive me in trying to help heal the source of your wounds. You can’t win if you don’t play and you can’t have fun if you refuse to play. Be the reason why ONE person smiles today and all those who fade to grey who say you get on their nerves. You don’t need them. Why would you? We are beautiful just because. Another day above ground to dance with the living. I will light a bowl to that just because!!! Put yourself out there. Give life a try. Cuz you know sooner or later my love, wouldn’t you know it we are all just waiting to die.