Wound Up So Tight

When I close my eyes and open them I always hope the world is a different place. I pray people are kind and genuine as they go about their day but I grew up in a world that is way different now and I can’t say it is the greatest place to stay.

I observe. I sit back and take it all in. Even when the pain becomes to much to bare, I close my eyes and take it all in. I want to feel everything that has entered the room to come for me and try to understand the energy’s purpose and more. Isn’t it a shame that we waste so much time aimlessly when we can be getting to know who we are ultimately freeing up space in our heads and in our hearts to allow us to let other beings in. The quiet time we spend just feeling who we are speaks volumes for who we pretend to be. I began the journey of self discovery and mad self love because if we didn’t love truly who we are isn’t that when the monsters win? They wanted to cast self hate, disgust and failure and everything else that comes with it and that’s when jealousy fuels a rage and sometimes more.

So I try to live relentlessly in my most authentic image because being anything else is exhausting and we only have one life to try and win. Winning means being happy and having the confidence to try to win over others by encouraging others to heal and won their best lives too…am I right? Sometimes I cringe in the presence of others because when I am around them I just begin to fall apart at the seams. I can’t tell if there presence in my life is minimal or if it was all meant to keep me on the right track…we will never know.

What I do and how I live I do it in my ancestors honor. When people tell me stop living in the past I go green because it is about loving in their character. What does every young parent say as their child begins their life. I vow to give them everything and have hell pay if anything ever happened to them. Then feelings change. Relationships happens. Rocks have to be thrown and boots need to knock, well for those with minimal thinking who let their imagination be their limitations.

Am I a sexual being? It depends who you ask and how you define sexual. Like go I like sex. Sure who doesn’t but only with the right person. Now that I see the very essence of sex is the potential for life I am not very likely to get on top.of anybody…anymore. Maybe it’s age. Like milk left out we begin to ferment but good things happen to the rotten. Just ask homemade cottage cheese and all it’s velvety goodness.

Be the energy that feels good in the room instead of the nervous anxiety wants to smother you. It’s a constable battle. Tit for tat. Jealousy feeds the evilest beasts. Whatchya think about that? So if your life doesn’t feel good. You have to begin and change it and see the silver lining on the side. Maybe it rainbow body glitter or sprinkles or both!!! If you aren’t living your best life you are robbing yourself of precious time. Sure it’s scary but why not at least give it an honest shot. If you aren’t doing something to level up your best life then you can’t shame those people who are giving their everything to give their families a little but something more.

Tis the Season to say goodbye to the old and be hopeful for a life worth living and maybe a little something more. I would love that little bit more heaven knows I am struggling and I am long overdue. But as bad as it all sounds I would rather have what is even if it comes mundane and complacent and all the boring things. We always want what we don’t have till we get it then it’s gone faster then some of us even blink our eyes. That is human nature for us though. Never accepting of what is but I wish I could help so many more but I am always thankful for the one.

My love for my life came when my son was born I never regretted a day that I was granted a chance to be that boy’s mom. Sure some pieces of the puzzles are super hard for some to understand but I promise I am committed to giving my boy the life that he deserves. Sure our futures never quite end up the way we dreamed but to hear that boy say mom over and over again and laugh I know that in this moment I am more than thankful to be alive. I remember what it felt like to be 36 thinking a family life was out of my reach so I know that it could be a lot worse than what it is.

People always nag at me live for your son and what everybody forgets setting up his future is just important as his upbringing. The whole world is in chaos so who are we to question too many things. We can’t worry too much because it will make us sick so we have to learn to not sweat the small stuff something impossible at times it may seem. We are all wound up so tight from the glitz and the glam and it makes us look for the weaknesses in our fellow man. We hunt for them constantly always out on the prowl how we dream of the day to have enough ammunition to take another down. Don’t we? Some don’t and some do and some of us are tired of losing. What’s one more time or two?

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