Imagine an existence where we celebrated each other’s accomplishments instead of turning a scowl on our face and running away. We don’t like those that seem to be having an easier time in life so we begin our rant of trying to ruin their day.

Imagine trying to stay relevant at another’s expense. Flapping your gums to get other’s to shy away from their light as you smother them in your darkness. Jealousy is all encompassing and threatens to take all those down with them that remain in their way. Warning shots are fired as their desperate ways to reach the surface of a surreal existence drags them to the bottom depths never allowing them to come up for air. Imagine the grasps of a flailing drowning person as they reach for anything that will steady them enough allowing them to finally get air. They don’t care or notice who is around to help them so they will take anything down with them when they fall. Trust me. Evil is as evil does and it comes in EVERY shape and form. Including the beautifully wrapped ones. Those ones are capable of being the most depraived.

If you aren’t capable of being nice to someone what is stopping you from shutting the f*ck up? Sure your opinion MAY matter but at the expense of another’s sanity dare I say it shouldn’t matter to anybody. Nobody at all. How gross it is to watch another speak ill of another when they are out of ear shot. The lies they spin to gather the masses makes me nauseated at best so in the end I keep my distance. There is no shame in being honest with oneself the major problem is not many can. We would rather blame everybody in the world for our own demise even though we were the ones that caused the fall. Trust me it happens all the time. There is a reason they say to not point at anybody and turn it and take a hard look at you. Reflect onto others who you want them to be and don’t worry about all the hate spewed by somebody else.

It’s alarming to think about the way others cast stones but you have to remember what they sow so do they weep. Eventually it comes back it has to. I can’t believe all the bad things that keep happening to me. Take just opening up a bag of bird seed for my budgies turned into a catastrophic event. At first I thought it was seed clumps then it became even more obvious. It was a dead bird in my bird seed which to a bird mom is the equivalent of finding a dead kitten or puppy in your baby pet food. That single event that took only seconds haunts my heart. To think of the ramifications of what this truly means. I had my OWN bird die just days before. Was the food contaminated? Let me tell you a little bit more.

My husband had bought me a 5 pound seed bag about a month before. On the second day of feeding them the bag seemed to lift and tilt itself in the garbage. Everything was moving in slow mo as I jumped to save what I could which wasn’t much. Maybe it was a blessing all things considering.  I still can’t believe it happened but it’s true. Then I was consumed with the meaning of bird deaths…each species has it’s own meaning kinda cool but scary too. In hindsight once I realized what was going on out of respect for the departed I went and got the husband so he could go back to the store. I then went to my birds and deep cleaned their feeding dishes I am saddened by the level of filth, dirt and contamination that it makes it so I am unsure how to feel. To have that happen is just a matter of bad timing, sheer coincidence but it does pull at the heart strings.

We fight for all these memories but in the end we become so unsure. Unsure if we are coming or going. If we can be happy and did we do enough in this lifetime for it all to make sense? A higher power of knowing before the world closes its eyes. You leave this world not knowing if you will even get to say your goodbyes. Some say if only they knew how much time they had left they would do so many things. What I do know for sure is while we are living we better make ALL the things count and more. That it feels much better to love on another than lie to ourselves and stab each other in the backs like we aren’t going to need a witness at some point in our life. Somebody to authentic our existence and tells us it will be OK. You know what it is that I am trying to say…I think?

Did life ever feel good or was it all just a lie? I see a shady mother f*cker what is the sense of holding it all in when I would rather cry. Cry out their names for how shady af that they are. I see good people and I know of bad. I think it is obvious which one I prefer to have. In all the ways we fail each other it is the lack of mutual respect that we have for each other because that reflects how much you have for yourself. Put your money where your mouth is and ALWAYS practice what you preach. When you live in the land of the unforbidden there are so many places in which you can go. You already know what I am saying because you have already been exposed and there is only so many places one can know. Always be accountable for your own actions and hold your ground when it comes to the truth. One will carry you through rough waters and the other won’t see you through.