When bad things started happening to me I remember thinking that it was all worth it in the end if my pain and sorrow made it so another being didn’t have too. I am not sure when I decided that maybe people like me weren’t worthy of a life worth hoping for. That mediocre and maybe average was the life you needed to aime for because people like you made it easier for people to shine a little differently. My situation is different I suppose than most others as I tend to try and appreciate what I do have. In the absence of not too sure what I am missing I know that there are those where reality has slapped them so hard. I mean those who have lost a loved one through no fault of their own. Not knowing what happens to us when we die drives us all insane but at least we have some comfort in knowing there is no other way out. Then there lies the mystery of why some lives are so tortured and filled with so much rage. That what makes this experience feel so surreal.

Life is scariest because nothing is promised and we have no idea what we are doing. It can all change in an instant then without even knowing it’s coming we then die. We can’t think of where we hope we go and if we hope to see our loved ones and friends. Then ask yourself what brings you pleasure maybe another person’s hell. We most definitely won’t be this form, we know now, or all these possessions we begin to hoard so why do we insist on valuing each other thar way. Everybody has a hand out and in return they  bite yours. You know what I am talking about. When we break away from the proverbial mold. The only person I want to please today is me so all others better stay away.

Animals are far superior to us in so many ways. An animal has to heighten their senses to communicate and they have to do so to stay alive. Look at the way they communicate through space, touch and love. A prime example are my singing birds that were given away because they couldn’t sing. If I could pick a song that they sang that day it would have been hallelujah. The only time they stop singing is when one passes and in their growing age it is soon coming. That day is always the hardest no matter who it is. This year we lost a baby, a skinny pig, a kitty, a chinchilla and 2 birds, and that is just the animal loss. There were countless friends lost to suicide, overdose and a Grandfather to old age. So when you are constantly faced with it you think about it and you begin to live your life a little differently. I humbly live my authentic life for all to say and I am more than tired for allowing others to let me feel ashamed for it.

So I fell in love with a plant and the growing process and the way the light fills their leaves with deep emerald green chlorophyll as their glorious fans of green overtake their surroundings and then some. My favorite rush throughout the growing process is to watch the coco coir swell as I give each one their own oxygenated breath of water as the coir swells and settles and I swear I can hear the roots drink and for one moment I swear we are one and the same. I lovingly caress a leaf or a stem as I thank them for their greatest life accomplishment, enhancing my life. I love the coir as it’s where it all starts and I think to myself what a beautiful life. I am growing obsessed with their journey as it mirrors my purpose but unlike theirs I am unsure of my own. So I study. Why not appreciate them when they are beautiful instead of waiting for them to be gone?

Appreciate them when they are beautiful but be weary of the definition of. Inside us is the capability to be beautiful but it exudes us when we speak too loud to be heard. We font need to make the moist noise to prove we existed. There are munks here on Earth that have uttered very few words. Words is what comes with the human form and body so it would stand to reason that in not using words is when we have the most control. Let our energy and expressions be the tool that guides us and tread very lightly so we are barely heard. Why make an impact when you can just be a flash. Did a being of virtue truly exist or was that just a thing from the past?

People’s actions is what intrigues me and I am tired of those that don’t understand. You know the ones who judge me without knowing and think it’s an excuse to do drugs and be high. There are demons and things one can never possibly understand and why do they need to accept me as a human being? I am kind. I show compassion and love for all living beings…even the creepier ones. Why do people pretend to like you one day then hate you the next? Not that you did anything differently except maybe stroke their ego or pay them a little mind or common sense. I guess those people are too faced keeping you around just in case. In case you become who you say you will one day. I hate those guys the most I think. The hanger around need to just get out of the way. They are more than just dead weight they are rot and decay. Is somebody is going to judge you and hate on you for every little thing I think I will take a plant over that judgement their gift of life is all that I need.