The Most Depraived

We all have these moments in life where we deeply regret something we have done but in the absence of said event would we have become who we are now? Are we really terrible at living that we need to hold or heads in shame or can we find peace in knowing that we can take things day by day. I am surrounded by life but not human life. The animals over take us in this house 19 to 3 lol it was just something that was naturally meant to be. We fell in love with their faces and naturally took them into our hearts. We foster failed more than once it seems and never have we regretted a day gone by.

That puts limits and stress on us that you don’t even know. Forget the financial burden of high end vet food to keep their insides running tickety boo. We had two of our male felines develop urinary crystals. What an expensive bill. The one who survived the ordeal his bill was $3,500. The one that passed over 10k. In hindsight…there is none. What is done is done and that is how it all played out. No going back and tossing and turning this and the gravity of the reality makes me cry. 19 more times we will go through it again unless of course I go before they. Then the stress of what happens to them if I die just makes me appreciate a day above ground even more. That is how I amount to success if we all made it tothe end of the day. Death when it comes it comes in an instant so I prepare myself in life for anything that comes my way.

Consider my daily consumption of Cannabis and how it makes some go through the rough. She must be a bi product of the devil. What a waste of life she is. My life would be wasted if I didn’t consume because somebody’s child had a temper tantrum and had to make it their way. The things we think we arejustified in doing to each other always changes when the shoe changes foot. It’s not that I hate judgemental people but they are the biggest burden on this Earth. All they care is getting ahead of others like it was going to increase our chances of getting out of here. I smoke not to feel numb so I can come alive. So I can push through the pain that threatens to numb me and reach my hands to heavens high to the sky.

We all want to feel accepted until we die. We want to belong somewhere in life like it would make a difference to how I would feel. I remember one too many holidays just spent alone with my cat. Through all my failures I have ever been she was always by my side making me want to better. A girl and her cat how strange but we did share such an incredible story. She lived in the floor boards for days after the apartment fire I can’t believe the Universe finally decided to take her. Everything she was in this life she meant absolutely everything to me and now she has gone and went to a place my eyes can never see. I can’t breathe…again. Same old story. I miss you so much my sweet dear friend my only peace is you are on longer suffering. To lose someone who saw the world in your eyes makes your own heart beat a bit different. I can’t tell if it is weaker or stronger all I know is it feels a lot stranger.

Does love make us stronger or weaker? When we have it we feel on top of the world and when it evades us it drives us insane or into the deepest, darkest depths of depression where our lives will never be the same! Why do we insist on staying there when our time here on Earth is so short. Don’t tell me it isn’t when we sit on top of a rock that is hundreds of billions of years old. Spinning around a firey gas ball like we have a hope in hell of getting out of here alive yet we will squash the dreams of others like it is seemingly no big deal. Tit for tat right? Just ask the cat. Animals know to appreciate the small stuff for as long as it lasts because nothing lasts forever and this too shall pass.

There is a surveillance tape showing a being tying his pregnant dog up to a pole as he drives away. She tries to run after him then sits down to freeze when she realizes she can’t. Her life reduced to nothing in the eyes of one coward. This is what makes me fear those who walk amongst us as they somehow value their life higher than all beings. We are the ones who work ourselves bloody and die in an early grave. Cancer, pandemics, flus other ailments have all been evolving just to derail us. With impure intentions we have more than ruined this land. How can we trust those with misaligned morals and values that insist on raping all of Mother Earth and her inhabitants. My biggest fear is we are all one and I will be returned to sleep amongst the most depraived. This is what makes me rise to be seen and yes truth be told on some days heard. I am for the underdog an eye for an eye. I am tired of those in power using their strength to hurt us when they have the capability to have us all saved. That is what makes me almost loathe the rich and famous. What warranted you the life of fame and fortune when the rest of the world is in need to be saved. What the world needs is a hero not another billionaire. One who will work for the common good of the people instead of their pocketbook and bed springs.

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