The things we tell each other so we can sleep at night are the exact same things that keep me awake. Constantly with their hands out biting off the hands that feed them by telling even more lies. I can believe we live in a time where we would rather sh*t on the graves of being kind and doing what is right. I see greedy people and they are foaming at the mouth telling lies and sharing confidential and private messages like it was meant for all the world to see.
Good people don’t turn on their friends for the easiest notch on their bed post and their claim to fame. A true friend would never blow out your candle and get a crew of minions to slander your hard work and try to ruin your dreams. A real friend doesn’t accept your tokens of friendship and run your good name through the mud. I have been there. Done that. Now I speak my truth no matter whose ears are open because it is my life to live so why should I feel shame? I have an exquisitive mind and I am passionate to asking questions and finding answers so the people in my life would need to have a zest for life that matches mine and is the same.
My public fall from grace last year was devastating. Not only did I suffer through a difficult miscarriage I had the friends I thought I made rake me through the calls. My crime? Asking my Pinup community how a non Latina woman could be the vice president of a Latina club. It’s not that I wanted the position but I wanted our minorities to be represented and moved up to the spot light. I am tired of a world that seemingly only rewards each other for being right. All I asked was a question during an incredible painful time in my life. Let me correct. I asked a question in private then got publicly dragged through the mud.
This moment in my life was humbling. Losing my baby and losing my friends then being called a racist for the whole world to see. Unless you have been made out to be an evil piece of filth you don’t know how Earth shattering that could possibly feel. In one quick instant in life I was left standing all alone. Throughout the weeks I heard it all. All the names and insults they thought I couldn’t see. It became too much so I closed my social media account and entered into a period of mourning and feeling all alone.
Did you ever hate the sound of your own voice because you know it is only a matter of time before somebody twists your words and uses them against you? Welcome to my life. Of course I talk. It’s hard to stay quiet in a world that is so incesstual and consistently lying through their teeth. Have you ever found yourself privy of another’s secret that the very knowledge of said filth just curdles your stomach and robs your good feelings blind. Imagine thinking your depraived ways are justified in your down and out state because you have been down and out for so long. There are certain people among us that I keep close. There is something about knowing their evil intentions that makes it easier to contain and control all their filth.
Life would be simple if we all just learned to get along but it is easier to rip people off, isn’t it? Pretend you are somebody else for all to see because who cares right? Isn’t it annoying that the characters we play when we become lost in this world are the exact same characters that we struggle with who to trust? Everyday I work through the lies of another’s depraived actions hoping and praying that today will be the day. Today will be the day we stop stabbing each other in the backs and rise up to do the right thing. Life should be simple when you open your eyes not riding it out laying flat on your back. I see bad people and they only care about getting their rocks off and once one gets that mentality there is no going back so I live happy.
I live amongst the lives of those that appreciate me, mostly, like my animals and plants. Sure I can run a muck and publicly fornicate but what would be the joy in that? There is a calm that comes in knowing your own self worth as long as you make yourself aware of those that will make their way and come around. They will lie, cheat and steal and sell out their best friend all for a little bit of public attention because they live their life for all to see. They don’t care about anybody else. I am not sure if living a private life is what the Universe intended but it is all the strength I have left. When given a chance humans are capable of great deeds of evil and will stab you in the back when given the chance. They do. They can’t help it when opportunity knocks they panic and when given the chance to rise up to the challenge they will choose the wrong thing. They will make that choice fairly conscious and they will do it because it makes their heart sing. They get off in betraying to their friends and lying to their families so what hope in this lifetime do you think they will one day do right by you. They can’t be trusted. They can’t even trust themselves as they say what they need to say to win you over then do things to you that the rest of the world deems as bad. An eye for an eye unless you can make them bleed. Make sure you wait long enough it would be a shame for you to make another’s life a little bit easier by stepping off their jugular and allowing for them to breathe.