What the world needs now is love, compassion and just a basic comprehension of the human experience. Plain and simple we all want to fit in that it hurts us immensely when it’s not reciprocated back.
To most I am just this annoying being that is too much in your face. I don’t try to be. Truth be told I don’t even remember what it feels like to be hugged. I mean really hugged. Where arms wrap themselves around you and you just know everything is going to be alright. That feeling has escaped me for years now it seems. Since the world took a pause and we remain in limbo I can’t remember what it felt like to just to go out. Friends become estranged and that too hurts my heart. Too much time thinking what could this all mean before we say our last goodbye. Too many people can quietly take the pain and there are those that can not.
What can this all be for when we don’t even know what happens when we die. What happens to all our belongings when we return up to the sky? All the people we knew or the treasures we held so dear mean nothing. I think about my Grandmother who used to be my age and now her body is nothing but decay in the ground. I love her still like it hasn’t been 20 years that passed. The fact that her body is her but she is gone gives me hope that her energy has moved on.
Thoughts go to my mom and how she had me at 28. I didn’t have my baby until I was 38 oh how time has stolen from us and made us all age. I feel guilty for stealing my mom’s youth and beauty but I am glad she is here. There are some who have lost their parents and that thought has brought me to tears. That means that time is coming for us all so that means we should all try our best.
Are you scared of realizing your potential before it’s too late? Fear of reaching success then it’s gone in an instant like 2 Pac or Biggie. Imagine at 25 years old another person’s jealousy and hate ends your life. Takes you from your friends and family like it is no big deal. Who pulled the trigger? Time has decided we will never know. Their words and inspiration still touches us in ways that they will never be privy to know. Crying brings me closer as lowering my emotions opens up a doorway for me to heal. Looking for signs to remind me of who they used to be or how they used to look. The they of course being my grandparents. Their pictures hang on my walls of various ages how I wish I could have one more hug that’s all.
In absence of human decency and doing the right thing life has gotten incredibly hard. Why would others live their whole lives shaming others like it was their self righteous duty? The laundry they air when their own filth has become too much is seemingly more than anybody could bare. I mean that is what I consider when listening to somebody trying to ruin the reputation of others. Carefully interpret the words that they are saying and you will see their angry tirade is about them and nobody else. That is what it is truly about. How could you possibly know all that with out embellishing some facts. How is it possible to know all the ins and outs of another person’s being. It is not. The reality is we are too consumed with what we are doing to care about anybody else.
So I push all the boundaries and buttons that I can because it makes it a lot easier to keep the bad people away. If you are true with your intentions how could you possibly get hurt. Sure the impossibility of what we can never achieve keeps us bound to the floor. Why try to be anything in our dreams when all we got is just this. This or That and something more we always want what we can’t have. The lifeless way we move from day to day like nothing on Earth is worth fighting for. What’s the point? For what reason? I am tired of waiting for the enivitable somebody please tell me what this is all for.
The biggest fear I think I have in life is that I will mean nothing to nobody. There are people out living their lives yet all I can do is dream. Every day I am focused and determined to reach for the stars and I don’t know why. I am incapable of stopping, now that I am focused and I think in life that is all I need to know. Mysteries make my head hurt so why would I keep getting involved? What else is there to do when we live this life. In the absence of being kind you think it might be a lot simpler to be mean. Isn’t it? It helps to keep everybody away. Sometimes. The easiest, nicest way to keep people away is to just be me. Nothing causes those to drop faster around me then when I have the courage just to be me. When I surround myself with all that I love and the courage it takes to face each day I feel alive. I bare my truths for all too see so I don’t have to worry about the whispers that are coming around. This is me and I am not ashamed to be the little girl that I always dreamed I could be. I lover of life and a savior of beings and all of the niceties that can be found in between. To be brave enough to accept all that you are for as long as you are is the greatest gift one can possibly find.