How is that a possibility that just as my heart was shattering the being in my presence was once again making this moment all about him. I can’t tell you what it feels like knowing the realm of what is needed for protection will forever just escape me. It makes sense truly. The aching of my heart to be returned to it’s one youthful state but never quite knowing where to go.

I wonder if there will ever come a time in this realm of reality to have life and it’s enterity make sense. Soul on fire or set ablaze how does one make sense of a flurry of enraged absence. Isn’t that what makes us crazy the absence of another being to be a witness to us in this life. I think that is why I am here. Why the husband keeps me near. It isn’t out of love but out of an obsessive need to have his life and validated in the traditional sense. Peel away the onion at the layers that make him cry it isn’t out of tears of joy but of being driven to the brink of being absolutely annoyed. At least that is what he yells me so that all now makes sense. How I wish I could be worthy of another’s love instead of this irony instead.

Anyways. Does one actually believe in protection for entities bigger than their own minds can conceive? What difference does it make anyways if you live in a world that doesn’t hurt your face or irritate your skin? As long as nobody else is getting hurt or maybe nobody else gets hurt at all. If it is my life and I have the strength to go about my day in my best image wouldn’t it be OK if I am free to do so? If I refrain from doing so wouldn’t I in fact be hurting myself so I should embrace the entity of my being that allows my soul to fly free? Every being likes to test the limits of just how far they can push and it goes far beyond you and me so I give up. Not digress and give up but give up and move along I will be damned if I let these vultures feast on my innards and keep on with their wayward song. Give it up! Am I right? Why can’t you just fly away? I get that I am a little bit chunky but do you really have to stay?

To whom the bell tolls unless it is tolling for me then don’t wait around till I get there go ahead and get going. How I wish it was that way. Who is saying that it’s not? You can’t win if you aren’t trying so why not take one more kick at the can. As long as you get up and you are breathing why not walk with quick fire in your step. You know? Keep going till you can no longer and don’t give a damn what the naysayers think because they will. They have to have their blood boil and their pressure rise. How else is it that they hope to possibly survive? The ones who are always against you and this that and another thing. No another thing. There is time for no more. Why do you always get to dig for information? What is it you are resisting that you need to keep on fighting for? Tell me! I need to know! Not really. Curiosity killed the cat. I think I would rather live with my head in the clouds than ask you your opinion and that is a fact! Take it to the bank and lock it up! My opinion on you is golden and there is no way now our friendship is going back.

There are those that are for you and those that are just not. Then there are the ones who are trying to bob and weave onto both sides like they may never actually get caught but I am aware. Sneaky as a snake but not as cunning as a cat. You can tell the fakes like Gucci knockoffs leaving a stench around them indicating where they have come from and where they maybe off to next. For shame. For sure but I already know there ain’t too much I ain’t aware of so I just keep my nose in the game. Not because I want to or to keep things the same. It’s because you better off aware of some then getting taken out at the knees. I hate those knee takers but they do as they dose. At least I finally am aware now of time wasted, ill spent then wasting away too many more years. To take advantage of the kind heartedness of others will catch up to rime sooner or later. I just wish for me it was sooner instead of feeding me to the big ol gators.

Evildoers will keep on as they do because they feel somewhat like the Universe owes it to him. How dare my time be spent in any more misfortune and somebody needs to pay for those sins. Not you. Not me. Maybe just those we hate. Those we seem to hate when we close our eyes when the rest of the world had drifted off to sleep. No sense. No sound. No real way of being just a misconstrued notion of how to be and what makes sense. Isn’t that the goal of what to strive towards just a new way of being that was socially acceptable no more confusing than what it used to mean to be me or you. Or maybe somebody else. Somebody else less frowned to be. Somebody made up of love instead on contentious misguided hate. I hope for a better, more understanding existence that is not only better for you but for also me.