Failure to Comply

The hustle is real but it shouldn’t have to be. It is a true testament to how we allowed the wool to be pulled over our eyes and we will continuously do so. Isn’t it weird the things we hold as value that in the grander scheme of things has no value at all.

The insistent way we are content in hurting each other like it’s no big deal. Sinning constantly like there will be no retaliation but there should be. There should always be consequences for our actions yet some believe for them there will be no consequences at all. There has to be. Unless you believe in nothing and the Universs is too vast for us to be just nothing at all. Sure we go nowhere sometimes when we dream and sometimes we don’t. Not everything is as it should be believed and that is more than just a matter of fact.

We can win over any energy but it has to be done with intention and it has to be done oure of heart. I shy away from those that make me feel a sort of way beyond what nature has intended. We shouldn’t have to feel insecure in our own being or be forced to leave the room. Energy is best served with honest intent. It goes without saying and it is warming and it reminds you of just how short time is and that life can maybe feel great. You don’t have to swindle and sway and pretend to be somebody your not. I suffer from bouts of extreme mania. Not from anything I fid bug the stream of events leading up to them.

I fake it till I make it like it’s engrained in my soul. The emotional crash that comes with it has me screaming like a mad woman who is out of control. I erect walls where there doesn’t need to be because in the end I am just scared. Is self sabotage a thing we still engage in because if so I think I live there. I find comfort in the beings that give unconditional love back. I suffer from foot in mouth disease as I say what I feel no matter. My words my same crass and at times a bit rude but if I have come to know anything if you honor what is inside of you, you will never be lost.

The biggest insecurity comes when others don’t believe. Who cares about what others have come to feel about you. You know who you are when all others begin to leave the room. Not everybody stays. Not everybody will want to and that will be more than just OK. It will be the force you use to guide you it will be the faith in yourself that leads the way. Whispers make my skin crawl because words carried away in silence have never been good. Don’t you hate the world of disclaimers and screenshots hanging like nooses over our heads. When somebody offers up ante against another so easily that should serve to you as a warning. Be it true. Loyalty is hard to come by these days because everybody is searching for their two seconds of fame.

What we take for granted each an every single day is the simplicity and glory that should be. At least what I hope it should be. Peace to all that hope to find it and allow it to take presence in your heart. It’s hard on the day to day trying to build yourself up but if you aren’t doing it nobody else will. Just reach one it will make all the difference it is true what they say you never know who is watching. They see you when you fall because they are quick to kick dirt and be careful who is around you when you rise because you may just float away. Just saying. Expect the impossible because there will be a time and place when the impossible is true. Believe that or don’t. It don’t matter until one day it does and then it no longer doesn’t.

Serenity comes when we least expect it and only we succumb to the answers that we find when we start to seek. Not everything is promised. Not anything is guaranteed. Never was. The same fears that feed a child’s insecurity was the same fear that was once running from you to me. It’s like once we make it out of adolescence and move through University we are ready to conquer the world. I can’t believe I survived being a child with all the perverts and abusive partners scattered throughout the land. If I tried to do what I did then I don’t think I could ever survive. Alcohol was stronger and absolutely awful. With the sweet concoction out there now I am sure I would have dranken myself into oblivion.

I like myself sometimes. Most times. Only the times I am not being bothered it seems. I sm scared of being offensive and I think most times I usually am. That is the problem with living my truth is it can be off putting to others who don’t understand. Maybe it is more an inability to understand vs a willingness to walk a mile in another’s shoes. Some will spend there whole lifetime being somebody else somebody else wanted them to be and that is more than sad. Don’t you think? I think way too much. I think we all do. Life was keep us wondering did we do the best we can? It’s not an easy confrontation to have with one self. There are so many reasons to ignore what is painful but it is the pain that we acquire when we fail to turn off the lights. I am scared of the dark and the things that people do when they think nobody is watching when they are the only ones left standing in the room. I like being alone. Nobody left to betray. Nobody left to hurt me and only myself to obey.

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